


The Love We Accept

by xPenguinQueenx



Series: Depression besties [1]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Coming of Age, F/F, Feel-good, Fluff and Angst, Ft. Jinsol’s lemon shorts, OT12 - Freeform, References to Depression, Slow Burn, also they're all crackheads tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:14:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24194131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xPenguinQueenx/pseuds/xPenguinQueenx
Summary: “Do a good deed this week, even when you don’t get something out of it.” Jungeun thinks she’s found her good deed.It all starts when Kim Jungeun drives Choi Yerim home from their shared group therapy and meets her crazy group of friends and the girl in the lemon shorts.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Series: Depression besties [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1849951
Comments: 106
Kudos: 545





	1. Chapter 1

Jungeun wouldn’t say she hates her Sunday sessions, but she can certainly think of at least twenty other things that she would rather be doing than this.

“Jungeun? Would you like to share today?” Jungeun still hasn’t learned the woman’s name that leads the group, but she has an abnormally large forehead; big enough that Jungeun has deemed her an appropriate nickname to go with it. Forehead.

She shrugs, glancing away from Forehead’s hopeful gaze. “Right, that’s okay, Jungeun. Maybe next time.”

Jungeun hums to herself. She won’t be sharing anything, but she won’t be telling them that when they’ll just go tattle on her to her father. “Maybe.”

They go through a few more exercises, mostly just sharing their ‘past events that they’ve overcome’ as Forehead so pleasantly calls it. What she means is ‘past tragic events that have completely crippled their personality and social etiquette.'

Jungeun doesn’t see the point of being here. She’s been coming for weeks now, and nothing has changed. She’s still a recluse, avoiding the people around her in every way possible. There’s the occasional brave soul that tries to approach her, but Jungeun is quick to shut that down.

The only one that hasn’t tried to make her talk about the reason she’s here is the nervous nail biter that sits to her left. The girl is Jungeun’s favorite for sure, but that doesn’t mean they're friends. She just appreciates that Yerim doesn’t poke and prod at her like the rest, even if she seems to be the most eager out of everyone to get better.

Yerim seems to sense Jungeun’s gaze on her because she raises her eyebrows at her. Jungeun wiggles her fingers at her, hoping she’ll get the message. It takes a moment, but Yerim soon blushes, removing her thumb from her lips. She sends a grateful nod, pushing her hands under her thighs. Jungeun wonders if Yerim’s nails will survive the end of the month. 

Eventually, Forehead dismisses them, but not without leaving them with their weekly homework on loving themselves and others around them. This week Jungeun is apparently supposed to help one person without gaining something from it.

Sounds fun.

“Jungeun?” Forehead calls right before she can get out the door. “A word, please?”

Forehead gives her a tight smile, and Jungeun truly doesn’t feel like fighting her today. “Yeah?”

Forehead seems to realize Jungeun’s feet are planted to the ground and takes it upon herself to approach her. “You still aren’t sharing in class.”

Jungeun doesn’t want to see the pity in the woman’s eyes, instead glancing around the room. There’s a dumb poster in the back with a cow telling her not to chew gum. She assumes there’s some sort of joke there, but she doesn’t get it. “Do I have to?”

“No,” Forehead sighs.

Jungeun gets the feeling the older woman is disappointed in her. It’s not the first time she’s disappointed someone though, so she’s not exactly surprised. “Then why are you trying to make me?”

There’s a pigeon outside the window, pecking at the glass. Jungeun envies the tiny bird, wishing more than anything to be outside, away from whatever this is. 

There’s a squeeze to her shoulder, startling her. Forehead retracts her hand when she realizes she has Jungeun’s attention once again. “I won’t force you to do anything, Jungeun, but it is my job to help you.”

There it is. The truth that makes Jungeun wish she wouldn’t have to come here. There’s no one in their sessions that really care. They’re all using each other to get where they want to be, and Forehead helps them because she gets paid to do so.

“I don’t need help. At least not yours.”

Jungeun can see the fight leave her body, and Forehead, just like her father, gives up on her. It hurts more than she thought it would.

“I’ll see you next Sunday, Jungeun.” Forehead dismisses her.

Jungeun shrugs off the pain rushing to her head. Forehead is nothing more than a headache to her. Jungeun should have known better than to get her hopes up that someone genuinely wanted to help _her_.

“See you.” 

She takes her leave, footsteps echoing down the empty hallway. She assumes she must be the only one left. Usually, there’s chatter throughout the group as they take their leave. Sometimes it’s about her, the weird one that never talks to any of the others, and other times they send her apprehensive looks, like they think she might jump them or something.

Jungeun is not a deviant, no matter how much the others seem to think so. She always turns in her homework on time to her professors, has a part time job, and even volunteers at the animal shelter a few miles away from her university when she has the time. She’s almost perfect.

Daddy’s perfect little girl that isn’t quite perfect enough for him.

She tosses the dangerous thoughts away, knowing she’ll just end up feeling angry at her father if she lets them remain. She has the rest of the day to herself and she’d rather not spend them being upset.

When she opens the doors to the parking lot, the sun is shining and birds are chirping. It does wonders for her wandering mind.

“Please pick up.” A familiar voice catches her attention. “Jinsol, please.”

She can’t fathom why Yerim would still be here. She’s typically one of the first ones out of here, her mother, or the person Jungeun assumes to be her mother, already sitting at the curb in her expensive ass Ferrari. Jungeun has always found it strange that Yerim obviously comes from money, yet walks into their group session with a ratty hoodie that looks like it hasn’t been washed in years every Sunday.

Jungeun’s curiosity wins over her desire to go home, her feet already on a mission to find the girl that frequents the chair next to Jungeun on Sundays. 

She peeks around the wall, finding the nail biter with her phone to her ear. It’s quiet enough that Jungeun can hear a girl’s voice finally come through, but she can’t quite understand what the other person is saying.

“Jinsol! My mom can’t pick me up today. Could you come get me?” There’s murmuring on the other end, but Jungeun can infer what’s being said from the way Yerim’s face drops. “No, I forgot about that... It’s okay. No, I’m serious! Yeojin has been looking forward to this forever. You guys make sure to cheer her on!”

Jungeun has a sudden thought, remembering what Forehead had said before she dismissed their session. _“Do a good deed this week, even when you don’t get something out of it.”_ Jungeun thinks she’s found her good deed.

“I love you guys too.” Yerim smiles, eyes brightening. She brings the phone closer to her mouth, practically yelling. “You better win Im Yeojin!”

The minute she hangs up, Jungeun steps out from the shadows. Yerim startles, a scream ripping from her mouth at the sight of her. Jungeun thinks she should probably be insulted by the reaction. She doesn’t look _that_ scary, does she?

She glances down at her clothes. She wears her usual red, leather jacket, and some random shirt thrown underneath. There’s a few tears in her dark jeans, but Yerim has a very similar pair on at the moment. Maybe she just has a mean face. It would… explain a lot, actually.

“Uh.” Jungeun shuffles uncomfortably, pulling a set of keys from her pocket. “Need a ride?”

  
  


```

Yerim talks a lot. Jungeun doesn’t really mind, but it’s a stark contrast to the usual silence she rides home in.

“-and Yeojin, she has a dance competition today. I really wanted to go, but I’m not allowed to skip any of the Sunday sessions. I kind of forgot about it, and I know Jinsol probably feels bad about not being able to take me home, but you’re here!”

“Mhm.” Jungeun listens intently, not wanting to interrupt.

She’s never heard Yerim talk so happily. Typically, she’s sadder, and speaks much softer. Jungeun supposes a group grief counseling will do that to someone.

“Sooyoung was super sad she wasn’t going to be able to go because she’s the one that has been teaching Yeojin for a while, but she’s in the next town over trying to book a gig.”

  
Jungeun’s curiosity gets the best of her once again. She thought that she would just be able to get Yerim home quickly, and without getting any attachments, but here she is, asking more about the girl’s life. “Book a gig? Is she in a band?”

Yerim perks up even more, if that’s possible, at being able to talk more about her friends. At least, Jungeun is assuming this Sooyoung is a friend. “Yeah! Sooyoung, Jinsol, Haseul, and Hyejoo. Haseul is the lead singer, and usually she handles all the important stuff, but Yeojin is her little sister.”

“So she has to be there.” Jungeun nods. 

Yerim mirrors her nod. “So she has to be there. My friends are kind of weird though.”

Jungeun snorts. “You say that like you aren’t weird.”

Yerim makes a strangled noise from the passenger seat. Jungeun thinks she sounds a little offended. “I’m the weird one?”

“You have half your nails.” She points out.

Yerim shoves her hands under her thighs. “You glare at everyone.”

Jungeun reels back. “No, I don’t.”

“Yes you do.” Neither of them proceed, as if sensing the sudden tension. Yerim makes a point of clearing her throat, moving on. “But yes, my friends are weird. Yeojin and I have been best friends forever, and Jinsol and Sooyoung have been Haseul’s best friends forever. Sooyoung started dating this girl named Jiwoo, and with Jiwoo came Heejin and Hyunjin. Then they started the band and met Hyejoo. Hyejoo is a lot younger than them though, close to my age, so finding time to practice is a little hard. Hyejoo brought Chae. I think they like each other, but they’ll never admit it. And Haseul’s girlfriend, Vivi, she just graduated college last year. Vivi is so cool-”

“Wait.” Jungeun doesn’t mean to interrupt, but something Yerim said sparks her curiosity again. “Hyejoo is close to your age? How old are you?”

Yerim waves her hand, as if it's not important. “I’m almost eighteen.”

But it is important. “You’re still a kid.”

“Am not.” Yerim pouts.

“You are.” Jungeun sighs. She doesn’t like that. Why is someone so young always so sad at their group sessions? She doesn’t like that at all. “Is that why your mom picks you up?”

Yerim is silent for a moment, finally responding when Jungeun stops at a light. “I don’t have a license, but I need to get one. I don’t want to be a burden.”

Jungeun doesn’t know much about this girl, but even she can tell that Yerim’s got something going on in her head. Something that everyone else doesn’t really get. Jungeun may not know what she’s going through, but she understands. She gets what it’s like to have too many thoughts that no one understands.

She decides then, right there, that she wants to help. 

“I can drive you home.”

Yerim looks at her, confused. “You _are_ driving me home.”

Jungeun chokes back a laugh. “On Sundays. I can drive you home on Sundays.”

“Oh.” Yerim looks panicked. “Oh no! No, you don’t have to! I-”

“I get bored driving home alone.” Jungeun stops her before she can think up a reason to refuse. “It would be nice having someone else with me.”

Yerim doesn’t respond to her until Jungeun finally pulls into Yerim’s driveway. She’s a bit intimidated by the sheer size of the house. It’s even larger than hers.

“Okay.”

Jungeun’s grip on the steering wheel tightens in anticipation, letting hope sink into her bones for the first time in a very long time. “Okay?”

Yerim hums, sliding out of the car. “I’ll tell my mom not to worry about picking me up.”

  
  


```

Jungeun spends the next few weeks having her ear talked off by Choi Yerim. The girl is quite energetic, but sometimes Jungeun will watch the way she seems to run out of energy completely and take a few minutes to herself. Her smile will slip away and Jungeun will wish Yerim would talk about the things that are bothering her.

If Jungeun’s problem is that she doesn’t talk at all, Yerim’s problem is that she doesn’t talk about the right things.

“Jungeun?” Yerim looks nervous, which is a first for Jungeun to see.

“Mhm?” 

Yerim shuffles around in her seat, and Jungeun thinks she’s going to have to swat Yerim’s thumb away from her lips, but the girl seems to catch herself before she starts nibbling. “Could you drop me off at Yeojin’s house today?”

“Sure.” It’s not like she has anything else to do today. School doesn’t start back for another month, but Jungeun has already finished her summer work. “Just tell me the way.”

  
Yerim’s smile is back in full force now, and it seems brighter than usual, as she points and waves her hands around. Jungeun follows dutifully, trying her hardest not to laugh when Yerim panics after making her turn down the wrong streets and stop prematurely. 

Yerim isn’t the best with directions, but she manages to get them to Yeojin’s street without _too_ many problems.

“You’ll have to park on the street, by Sooyoung’s car.” Yerim points to a tiny, dirty car parked next to the curb. Jungeun thinks it used to be white, but there’s layers of dirt covering it, concealing the original paint job. She would say it needs a wash, but the dirt might actually be the only thing keeping the bumper on.

  
“I could have wiggled up there, dropped you off.” Jungeun feels bad, even if Yerim is just trying to keep her from having to maneuver around the many cars parked on the street. The house is small and old, but the yard is huge. Large enough to make it difficult for Yerim to walk through the wet grass.

Yerim unbuckles, humming. “I thought you might want to come in.”

“Me?” Jungeun blinks.

Yerim tilts her head, like she’s silly for asking such a thing. “Of course, you.”

She thinks about saying no. She doesn’t like people very much, Yerim being one of the few exceptions in her life. 

“You don’t have to.” Yerim shrugs like it isn’t a big deal, but her smile dims ever so slightly. Just enough for Jungeun to notice. “I thought you could meet everyone. They’re practicing today.”

That makes Jungeun even more reluctant. She’s heard nothing but good things about Yerim’s friends, but there’s no way in hell that a group of people can be that genuine to one another. She really doesn’t want to… but she doesn’t want Yerim to be sad either.

“Sure.” Jungeun nods, turning the car off.

Yerim barely lets her shut her door before she’s gripping Jungeun’s hand, dragging her across the lawn. Jungeun hopes it’s dried enough so she’s not dragging mud into this stranger’s house. It seems awfully rude to do so for a first meeting.

Yerim doesn’t bother knocking, and when she shouts out a loud greeting there’s a few shouts back. Jungeun can’t make out anything in particular, just a jumbled cacophony of excitement. 

Yerim pulls her shoes off at the door and nods at Jungeun to do the same. She’s a little embarrassed when she remembers that she’s wearing her lemon socks, but Yerim doesn’t comment on them much to her relief.

Jungeun follows the gleeful Yerim carefully down a flight of stairs into the chilly basement, trying not to feel overwhelmed by the many gazes that lock onto her.

The basement does give off a very calm and friendly feel though, despite the cold concrete floor. Perhaps it’s the warm red walls, or the obviously hand drawn pictures on the wall. Some of the drawings look professionally done, like the bunny in the corner and the deer surrounded by trees, while others, like the tiny orange frog and the little white bird atop the frog's head, look like it was drawn by an actual kindergartener.

“I brought a friend!” Yerim skips over to a small group gathered on the dark- very out of place- sofa, settling herself on the smallest one’s lap.

The tallest of the four reaches over, taking Yerim’s head under her arm. “You have friends?”

Yerim giggles, barely putting in any effort to remove herself when the taller girl digs her knuckles into Yerim’s scalp. “Yes, and Jungeun is much cooler than you, Hyejoo!”

“Olivia Hye!” The dark haired girl whines into Yerim’s hair.

“No one is going to call you that!” Yerim, in a strange display of strength that Jungeun hadn’t realized the younger girl had, wrestles the taller girl to the couch.

“Vivi gets to go by a nickname! Why can’t I?” Hyejoo holds her head away from the couch, but lets Yerim wrestle down her body. Jungeun gets the feeling that Hyejoo is actually simply allowing Yerim to think she’s winning by the lack of effort she’s putting into fighting.

“Vivi didn’t pick her nickname, weirdo!” The smallest’s voice seems to set something off in Hyejoo because she tosses a startled Yerim off her and onto the floor, turning to the tiniest one. The small one seems scared. “Wait, I’m sorry! Chaewon, help me!”

The last of the quartet, the blonde, rolls her eyes before leaning her head back and closing her eyes. “No.”

Jungeun continues to awkwardly stand at the bottom of the stairs, trying to ignore the eyes of the calmer group in the room. They’re staring, waiting for something. Jungeun is already uncomfortable and she hasn’t even been here for five minutes.

“Oh!” Jungeun jumps at the voice behind her. “Excuse me. I didn’t mean to scare you, but can I?”

The woman’s voice is soft, and her expression softer as she points around Jungeun.

“Yeah, sorry.” Jungeun scoots to the side, trying desperately not to be weird. 

She gives a tiny jump off the last step, and Jungeun thinks that’s it for the encounter, but she turns back around. “Coming? You _are_ Yerim’s friend, right?”

Jungeun merely blinks, staring at this pretty girl like the useless lesbian she is. She’s not Korean, Jungeun can tell that much. Vivi, maybe?

“Yeah, um, you’re… Vivi?” Jungeun notices the way Vivi waits until she’s by her side to reply.

“That’s me.” She smiles gently, leading her to the group that seems much less interested in wrestling matches. “You’re Jungeun?”

She stops in front of the group gathered around the instruments. The Shorter girl at the mic reaches a hand out and Vivi goes over to her quickly, stuffing her nose into the crook of the smaller girl’s neck when the stranger wraps her arms around Vivi’s waist. Ah, Haseul then.

“I’m Jungeun,” She breathes out. She’s not sure if Vivi is paying attention anymore, but the others sure are.

The tall one with a guitar strapped around her neck looks her up and down, scoffing. Jungeun’s nose flairs, feeling insulted. “Great. We have another one who thinks it’s okay to wear lemons on their clothes.”

The dark haired girl with the bass reels her fist back and slams it into the guitar player’s arm. “Shut up, Sooyoung. You’re just jealous that you don’t have-”

“I am not in any way jealous of your lemon shorts.”

“Admit you wish you had my lemon shorts!”

Jungeun glances down and notices that, yes, this stranger does indeed have shorts on that match Jungeun’s socks (And legs for days). Oh, so this Sooyoung wasn’t being rude to her, just poking fun. That’s a relief.

Jungeun interrupts their bickering with a simple, “I like your lemon shorts.”

The taller girl, Sooyoung, groans when Lemon Shorts sticks out her tongue. “Awesome, I should have known that Yerim would bring someone lame.”

Sooyoung gives a smirk, but her eyes are teasing. Jungeun thinks it’s a joke, hopes so at least. Sooyoung seems like someone she would have been friends with before all the group therapy stuff.

Jungeun shrugs at the tall girl. “At least my car isn’t being held together by a ball of mud.”

The comment is out before she can really think about it, but once she realizes what she’s said, she’s ready to spew out one hundred different apologies to Sooyoung. Thankfully, Sooyoung lets out a bark of laughter.

“Nevermind.” Sooyoung drags her forward, putting an arm around her shoulder. “Yerim did good. I like you, you’ve got claws.”

Jungeun glances down at her literal claws that she just had done at the nail salon the other day. “Yeah, but only until I find a cute girl.”

Sooyoung lets out a screeching laugh. “Yeah, you’re gonna fit right in.”

Sooyoung pulls her over, introducing her to the room’s occupants. She makes an effort to match names to stories that Yerim has told her over the past few weeks. Hyunjin is the one that makes animal noises at strangers, and Heejin is the one that has to apologize to said strangers for the animal noises. The one that was beat up by Hyejoo is Yeojin, Yerim’s best friend. The blond, Chaewon, is the petty one of the group, or so says Yerim; Jungeun will agree if the story of Chaewon pantsing her ex in front of the cafeteria is true. Jinsol is the name of Lemon Shorts, and Jungeun has already come up with three different jokes in her mind about getting her out of said shorts, but she’ll refrain from saying such things in front of Yerim. She’s correct about Haseul’s identity, and Jungeun now completely understands why Yerim calls Haseul and Vivi the parents of their group.

“And then there’s Jiwoo.” Sooyoung’s grin turns mushy at the mention of the only girl Jungeun hasn’t met. “She should be here any minute.”

Jungeun is pushed down on one of the many plastic chairs surrounding the instruments. She’d rather be on the couch, but Hyejoo’s spot is taken by Yerim the second the taller girl is out of her seat. Yerim is lucky Jungeun likes her.

She does get a good look at the four girl’s surrounding their instruments. None of them seem to match in any way, but that in itself makes the assembled group more charming to look at. Hyejoo looks like she walked right out of hot topic, and Haseul looks more like the mother that had to pull Hyejoo out of the store in the first place. Sooyoung’s over sized jacket seems to do nothing for the skin exposed from her crop top, but Jungeun will admit that she has style. Jinsol on the other hand… well, her lemon shorts certainly don’t match her blue, long sleeved shirt. Jungeun has to refrain from asking her what the point of having a long sleeve shirt is if she’s just going to wear tiny shorts with it.

“So… Jungeun.” Jinsol tilts her head quizzically at her as the other three band members get settled. “Any interest in music?”

Jungeun lets an incredulous laugh slip. “I-uhh…” 

She did, once upon a time, but those days are over for her. She’s sure her father isn't pleased about it, but what is she to do when she can’t even find the inspiration to play her own piano anymore. It’s something better left in the past.

“Uhhhh?” Jinsol mocks, giggling. “Is that a no?”

She’s cute, Jungeun will admit that, but not cute enough to get the truth out of her. “No, can’t say I do.”

“Aww.” Jinsol pouts. “Want me to teach you a little?”

Sooyoung groans, shaking her head at an amused Haseul. Haseul doesn’t notice, too busy staring at the girl next Jungeun. Jungeun is curious if Vivi even knows the stare Haseul is drilling into her head, the girl awfully focused on typing something into her phone.

“You want to teach me?” Jungeun doesn’t think she’s imagining the flirting from the bassist. She needs to shut that down real quick. “Nah, I’m a slow learner anyways.”

Jinsol quirks her brow. “I’m patient.”

Vivi saves Jungeun once again, bouncing in her seat. “Jiwoo is here!”

And as if on command, they hear the slam of a door upstairs. Jungeun prepares herself to meet the last of Yerim’s little group as the footsteps come closer.

“Did you start already?”

Jungeun tenses, praying to any god that might be listening that this voice doesn’t belong to the person she thinks it does. “Oh shit.”

Jiwoo sounds like an earthquake as she stumbles her way down the stairs, tiny feet scrambling. “Sooyoung, you said you’d wait for me so you bet-” Jiwoo freezes at the base of the stairs, looking just as caught off guard at her presence as Jungeun feels. “Jungie?”

Of course Yerim’s Jiwoo is Jungeun’s Jiwoo. 

“Uh.” Jungeun throws up her hand in an awkward wave. “Hi Jiwooming.”

Jiwoo blinks, mouth opening to break the sudden silence in the room, but she shuts it back when Jungeun suddenly stands, nearly knocking her chair over in her haste. 

“I…” The entire room wears the same confused look. “I should leave.”

That seems to snap Jiwoo out of her stupor. “What do you mean you need to leave?”

“You’re Jungie?” Sooyoung points a long finger at her, almost accusatory. “Jiwoo’s old best friend?”

Jungeun doesn’t know what to say to that and decides it’s better just not to say anything. She makes a break for the stairs, but Jiwoo steps in her way. Jungeun tries to step around her, but Jiwoo grabs her arm, keeping her in place. She makes an effort to tear away from the grip, but Jiwoo has always been freakishly strong for such a tiny girl.

“Fuck you and your black belt.” Jungeun steps back, admitting defeat. 

Jiwoo giggles, not seeming to mind Jungeun’s foul language. She never really did mind her dirty mouth, thank goodness. 

“My black belt kept you from getting beat up in middle school.”

Jungeun rolls her eyes. “You weren’t a black belt in middle school.”

She was close, but Jiwoo didn’t get there until high school. Jungeun reasons that as one of the reasons she left without telling Jiwoo in the first place. Jiwoo would have kicked her ass if she knew Junguen was leaving without her. They were always supposed to take on the world together.

“Close enough.” Jiwoo looks like she wants to say more, but she surprises them both when she pulls Jungeun in for a hug instead. “I missed you.”

Jungeun slowly wraps her arms around Jiwoo’s waist instead of around her shoulders, unfamiliar with the new position. When they were younger, Jungeun was the taller of the two; she’s alarmed to find that Jiwoo has somehow outgrown her in their years apart.

“I missed you too.”

Jiwoo pulls back, and Junguen allows a smile to spread across her face, only to be knocked right back off when Jiwoo punches her in the stomach. “Where did you go!”

Jungeun doubles over, one hand on her stomach while the other rests on her knee, offering little support. “What the fuck? How have you gotten stronger, you gremlin.”

“Kim Jungeun, what is wrong with you?” Jiwoo glares. 

She’s not used to being on the receiving end of Jiwoo’s glares, but she supposes she deserves it this time. It’s not her fault her father made her leave, but she most definitely owed Jiwoo some sort of explanation.

“Look, can we talk about this some other time?” Jungeun is getting uncomfortable with all the eyes on her. “Privately?”

“What is going on?” Hyejoo all but screams from her seat by the drums. The girl has a set of lungs, Jungeun will give her that.

Jiwoo ignores her with a practiced ease. “You owe me an explanation.”

“I don’t-”

“If you don’t start talking, I’m going to track down your mother and tell on you- Jungeun? Are you okay?”

Just like that, at the mention of her mother, Jungeun flips a switch.

What is she even doing here with these people? They don’t know her, she doesn’t know them. She’s only supposed to be giving Yerim rides home from school. Nothing more, nothing less. She was supposed to be helping her conscience by doing a good deed, and look where it got her. Talking about her mother with someone she never thought she’d see again. 

“I should go.” Jungeun shoves her way past Jiwoo and up the stairs, not stopping when she and Yerim both call her name.

She doesn’t even bother putting her shoes on, merely grabbing them with one hand and walking out onto the wet grass. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but the shouts from behind her have Jungeun ignoring the feeling of wetness between her toes.

She pulls the driver’s side door open with all her strength, slinging it to it’s limit. She slips into the seat after tossing her shoes into the passenger seat, but a hand on her door won’t allow her to shut herself in.

“Jungeun? What happened? Are you okay?” Yerim peers into the car. “Why are you crying?”

She doesn’t register that Yerim is speaking to her at first, too preoccupied by the face that pops up behind her group session buddy. “What?”

“Jungeun, you’re crying.” Jiwoo reaches out, as if you wipe the tears away, before stopping herself. “Did I say something wrong?”

Jungeun shakes her head, pawing at her wet cheeks. “No.”

  
“I must have.” Jiwoo’s forehead scrunches up, eyes narrowing. It’s her thinking face.

“You didn’t-”

  
Jiwoo gasps, mouth popping open. “Your mother?”

Jungeun chokes. “No, stop.”

She wants to leave. She doesn’t want to talk about her mother with Jiwoo. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone about her mother.

Jiwoo slaps a hand across her mouth. “Is that why you go to group sessions with Yerim-”

“Jiwoo, stop.”

“-and why you-”

“Jiwoo!” Jungeun slams her fist onto the steering wheel, horn going off. “Please. Stop.”

She doesn’t mean to be so harsh. Jungeun isn’t mean, and she doesn’t like being angry. Especially not at someone like Jiwoo, but she needs to leave, and Jiwoo keeps asking questions that she doesn’t want to answer. She just wants to _leave._

Jiwoo backs away slowly, face dropping in guilt. She whispers, “Sorry.”

Jungeun gives one last harsh wipe to her eyes, making sure to address Yerim softer than she had with Jiwoo because she’s already regretting her tone with her old friend. “Yerim, please let go of the door.”

Yerim swallows, looking sad as she backs away. “I’m sorry, Jungeun. I just wanted you to meet my friends.”

“I know.” Jungeun reaches for the handle gently. “I just need to go, Yerim. I’m not angry.”

She makes a point to stare Jiwoo down at the last part. She wants Jiwoo to understand that it’s not her fault, it’s Jungeun’s fault. She just _can’t_ talk about this.

Jungeun shuts the door, being mindful not to slam it. When she drives away, Jiwoo and Yerim stare from the street curb. Jungeun purposely keeps her eye off of them, afraid that she’ll turn around to apologize if she sees the sad looks on their faces.

When Jungeun gets home, the house is dark and empty, like always, and for the first time since she’s started going to those stupid group sessions, she cries.

```

Her father comes home early from work the next day while Jungeun looks like a slob on the couch, covering the chocolate stains on the collar of her pajama top with her cover when she hears him come in.

He stops by the couch to ruffle her hair, giving a strained smile. “What did you do today?” 

Jungeun shrugs, not offering a verbal response. She knows that he would be disappointed that she hasn’t left the house all, or moved more than five feet from the living room really, and doesn’t feel like getting a lecture.

“You didn’t just get out of bed, did you?” He picks at the hem of her top. “You’re still in your pajamas, sweetie.”

Jungeun sighs. “No, I just didn’t want to get dressed.”

Her father sighs, forehead scrunching together. “We made an agreement.”

“I know.” Jungeun slowly gets up, bones popping uncomfortably from sitting for so long. “I’ll get up tomorrow, take a shower, and… find something to do.”

“You could come to work with me.” He looks concerned when she doesn’t reply. “Jungeun, did something happen?”

She shakes her head, picking up her cover. “No.”

“Jung-”

“I’m gonna head to bed, Dad.” She cuts him off. “Love you.”

“I just… Love you too.” For a second there, she really thought he might stop her, but he lets her go without a word. She doesn’t know why she got her hopes up.

  
  


```

Jungeun spends the next Sunday session avoiding Yerim’s puppy dog eyes and staring at the pigeon at the window. Odds are, it’s not the same bird from last Sunday, but Jungeun likes to think she might have a friend looking out for her. 

When they’re dismissed, Forehead doesn’t ask Jungeun to stay back for another talk. Instead, it’s Yerim that grabs her attention with her unwavering presence at the door. She would almost look intimidating if not for the pout.

“I was still planning on taking you home, Yerim.” Jungeun nudges her shoulder, speeding past her. “Come on.”

“I already called Jinsoul just in case.” Yerim chases after her, resting at her side when she catches up. “But I wanted to check on you because you were really upset when you left. ”

Jungeun feels a little pang in her heart when she hears that Yerim already has a ride. She’s gotten used to her favorite passenger. “Oh, that’s okay. We can just ride together next Sunday.”

She doesn’t dare chance a glance at the girl, but she can feel Yerim’s eyes drilling into the side of her head. “You didn’t answer me.”

Jungeun pretends not to hear her considering Yerim never _actually_ asked her a question, instead listening in on the gossip around them.

 _“Is Yerim walking with_ her?”

_“Do you think Jungeun has some sort of blackmail on her?”_

_“Maybe Yerim is taking pity on her.”_

She rolls her eyes at the ridiculous accusations. Yerim doesn’t seem to notice, and if she does, she doesn’t acknowledge them. That’s one of the reasons Jungeun talks _only_ to Yerim around this place.

Jinsol is waiting in the spot that is often frequented by Yerim’s mother outside, her truck somehow managing to look even worse than Sooyoung’s car. The passenger side door is white, looking quite unpleasant compared to the red that is the rest of the truck’s paint job, and no tailgate present from what Jungeun can see.

“Jungeun.” Yerim yanks on her leather jacket, hand retreating immediately after when Jungeun takes note of the bitten nails. They look worse than usual. “You don’t have to talk about it, but you can always come back and hang out if you want.”

Jungeun blinks at her, not understanding. “You guys want me to come back?”

“Of course.” Yerim nods erratically, as if to further her point.

“Hey!” They jump at the interruption. “Is Jungeun coming or not?”

Jinsol is sticking her head out the passenger seat window, a dopey grin loud and prominent. If Jungeun weren’t so embarrassed at the looks she gets after her name is yelled, she might even find Jinol’s smile charming. That is, in the way that she would find a wandering puppy in the street charming.

Yerim tosses her a careful look, asking her for a decision.

Jungeun tosses a look back over at the girl trying to manually roll her window back up and bites back a laugh. “Yeah, okay, but I’m not riding in that rust bucket.”

“Don’t let Jinsol hear you say that.” Yerim warns. “That’s her baby.”

```

She stays for band practice, ignoring Sooyoung’s curious gaze and Jiwoo’s sad glances. It’s not as awkward as she had thought it would be, but it’s most definitely not comfortable either. Yerim plays a pretty admirable mediator and as much as she loathes Jinsol’s terrible pick up lines, she does help smooth things over when there’s an awkward silence.

The band, Jungeun learns that they call themselves Loona, is genuinely impressive. Jungeun is pretty sure that they could do this professionally if they wanted to. Hell, her father might even sign them if he were to find them.

“That offer is still up.” Jinsol’s voice practically booms in the little basement, leaving Jungeun embarrassed for the second time today. She’s not sure if Jinsol does it on purpose or if she is genuinely unaware of the attention she gathers. “If you ever wanna learn a thing or two about music.”

Jiwoo frowns immediately, wiggling from her perch on the couch’s arm and into Heejin’s lap. “Why would you do that? Jungeun is like a music genius.”

The entire group is watching her, confused. She purposely avoids their gazes, eyeing the wall of colored drawing instead. “What is this?”

No one calls her out on her change of subject, instead happily explaining the wall’s purpose. Heejin is quick to push Jiwoo out of the way and points to each drawing on the wall.

“There’s one for all of us. Mine’s here.” Heejin points to the professional-like drawing of the tiny bunny. “We all picked an animal that we thought matched us.

“Mine is the fish!” Jinsol happily points from across the room. ”A blue betta.”

Jungeun blinks at her. “Why are you…”

Heejins snorts, seeming to infer her unasked question. “Because she has the attention span of one.”

Jinsol whines out her complaints to Heejin while Jungeun surveys the wall.

Jungeun glances over at Jiwoo only to find the girl already watching her. “Penguin?”

Jiwoo blinks slowly, registering what Jungeun is asking. As soon as she realizes, Jiwoo grins brightly. “Penguin.”

Jungeun nods, remembering their inside joke from middle school. Jiwoo had played a penguin in a school play while Jungeun had been an owl. “Bird crew.”

Sooyoung and Haseul squawk, flapping their arms in sync at Jungeun’s words. “Bird crew!”

Their squawks set off Jiwoo as well, which in turn sets off Hyunjin who begins meowing at them. Yeojin smacks at Hyunjin’s shoulder while Yerim tries to cover Jiwoo’s mouth with her hands, both looking quite embarrassed by the scene unfolding. Chaewon sits in between the two, looking like she’d rather be anywhere but here.

It’s safe to say, Jungeun has never been so confused in her life. No one has ever squawked at her before, much less started an animal noise riot in front of her.

“Jungie!” Jiwoo pries Yerim’s hands away. “Your turn!”

Jungeun stares at them all incredulously. Vivi gives a sympathetic smile, but nudges her encouragingly. “What?”

Jinsol barks out a laugh, head tilting back. “It’s initiation.”

  
“Initiation for what?”

Jungeun shrinks back into her chair when Hyejoo begins howling.

_What the fuck is wrong with all of them?_

“Becoming one of us!” Heejin pats her shoulder, practically yelling over the noise. “You need an animal, and you need to become that animal.”

Jungeun thinks she's being pranked.

“Look.” Heejin points to the wall. “You get to put your animal on the wall afterwards. Then you’re officially one of us.”

“Who said I want to be one of you?” Jungeun asks defensively.

Heejin laughs in her face. “If you don’t, then why are you here?”

She doesn’t have a proper response to that because she kind of _does_ want to be here. It’s a bit of a surprise to realize, but after spending so much time alone, it’s nice being around people like this.

“I..” 

Heejin smirks. “Exactly. So get to it. Pick an animal.”

  
“Bird crew, Jungie!” Jiwoo hops up, jumping up and down in excitement. “Bird crew! Bird crew! Bird crew!”

Sooyoung is quick to carefully prop her guitar on the wall so she can jump with Jiwoo, continuing the chant. Even Haseul is rocking on her heels, whispering the bird chant under her breath.

“This is a cult.” Jungeun decides it’s better to go along with it, just in case they decide to sacrifice. “Fine, I’ll be an owl.”

The three chanting give excited squeals while Chaewon grumbles into Hyunjin’s shoulder. “I should be in the bird gang.”

Hyunjin cackles at Chaewon. “Just because your animal can fly doesn’t mean you get to be in the bird crew.”

Heejin pulls Jungeun up, handing her a red crayon before Jungeun can even question where the girl got it from. “Anywhere you want.”

She draws her owl right next to Jinsol’s fish, deciding she likes the way the red and blue look next to one another, even if they’re not the prettiest. 

Heejin takes the crayon with a smile when Jungeun passes it back. “There. Now you’re stuck with us forever, just like your picture on that wall.”

Jungeun... thinks she’s okay with that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Jungeun gets up earlier than usual, meaning before noon for once, and ends up bumping into her father. He seems absolutely bewildered to see her out of bed already.

“Hey, you’re… up early?”

She wonders if he’ll ever speak to her like a normal person again, like he’s not constantly walking on eggshells around her. She misses the days where they’d trade playful jabs in the mornings before breakfast, but now there’s no Mom to play mediator between them.

“Yeah, I’m meeting some friends,” She says. Jungeun grabs one of the pears from the bowl atop the counter, taking a large bite. She halfway through with the fruit when she notices his baffled look. “What?”

He shakes his head, blinking owlishly. “Nothing. I just haven’t seen you this… lively… in a while.”

Jungeun hums. “I guess.”

“It’s a good thing,” He admits. “I’ve missed seeing you smile.”

Jungeun ignores the harsh pang in her chest at the sad tone. She likes to pretend that she’s not one of the reasons her father is so sad all the time, but it’s hard when he looks at her like that. Like she might spring back to life now, like one of his favorite spring flowers, but getting her happiness back is not as easy as watering a seed.

It would be nice if it was.

“Yeah. “She agrees. “Me too.”

  
  


```

Meeting with Jiwoo had been a spur of the moment decision late last night. They had stayed up talking past midnight, Jungeun running around the room doing miscellaneous chores while Jiwoo yelled into the phone despite already being on speaker. It felt like middle school all over again, except instead of painting her nails and looking at teen magazines, Jungeun is organizing her medicine and looking through home catalogs.

Jiwoo had made an offhand comment about the bowling alley they used to occupy on Tuesdays and before she knew what she was doing, Jungeun told her they should go together. For old times sake.

Jiwoo is late, not that Jungeun is surprised. Jiwoo always seems to get distracted around this part of town, gaze lingering on all the bright colors and nifty trinkets in the shop windows. At least, she used to.

Jungeun sighs, back resting against the stone wall as she waits. A few people give her friendly nods as they enter and exit the building, but Jungeun keeps her eyes on the ground, praying none of these strangers approach her, or worse, ask her a question.

She’s getting anxious from waiting, and her vibrating phone doesn’t help her nerves. She knows that it must be Yerim or Jinsol, the usual two that have been texting her the past two weeks. She’s starting to regret ever putting that owl on the wall; the group is constantly bugging her.

It’s not terrible, but she’s not used to getting so much attention from… well… anyone. Yerim bought her a new pair of earbuds after she had informed the girl that hers broke, Jinsol bought her a matching pair of lemon pants after Jungeun admitted that she really did like her shorts and hadn’t just been saying that to avoid an awkward confrontation, and Haseul and Vivi have taken to babying her just as much as they do Yeojin.

It’s just… weird. The last person to treat her so kindly had been-

“Jungeun!” Jiwoo. It had been Jiwoo. “Sorry I’m late! There was a group of puppies and I had to stop to say hello to every single one of them, but I took pictures for you because I know how much you love puppies and-”

Jungeun tunes the rest of the words out as Jiwoo shoves her phone into her face, swiping through the many pictures of the puppies.

Yes, the last person Jungeun remembers loving her so unconditionally had been her best friend, and she up and left her. She supposes she owes Jiwoo an answer for her disappearance. Of course, Jiwoo would never ask her about it as to honor her privacy, so Jungeun figures it’s up to her to broach the topic.

  
Her childhood friend finally runs out of gas once she’s shown her the last picture she took, looking ever so exhausted at the flurry of words that have left her. Jungeun wishes she had that type of energy now, but she lays in her bed until the afternoon most days.

“Ready?” Jiwoo pushes her phone back into her little purse, skirt swaying from the way she rocks on her heels. She’s glad to see Jiwoo is just as adorable as always. “Do you think Heejae still works here?”

Jungeun follows Jiwoo dutifully, offering no objection when Jiwoo signs them up for two hours of bowling instead of the predicted one. She let’s Jiwoo pay for the game, offering to buy any greasy pizza that she and Jiwoo can eat to make up for it.

They’re both still terrible, and they have to ask someone to put up the side rails because they just keep tossing the ball into the gutters. Jungeun hides her face in her hands the entire time while Jiwoo explains to the poor teenager how terrible they are at the game.

Jungeun is pretty sure he doesn’t actually register any of her words, but she’s still terribly embarrassed to be the only adults with bumpers. The poor boy turns red every time he looks at Jiwoo and Jungeun just wants her to stop talking before the kid has an aneurysm.

When their two hours are eventually up, she and Jiwoo take to the small food court to order pizza. The single slices they order probably have more calories than the regular food that health freak Jiwoo eats in a week, but her friend doesn’t complain in the slightest.

“Jiwoo?” She wipes away the last of the grease on her pants, ignoring Jiwoo’s judgmental glare for doing so. “Can we talk?”

Jiwoo nods, taking a large sip of her near empty soda. Jungeun can hear the rattling ice at the bottom every time the straw slams into the cubes, setting her nerves aflame for some reason that Jungeun can’t understand.

“Um.” Jungeun sits up, elbows on the table as she leans forward. “I don’t know how to start this.”

Jiwoo’s eyes soften. “You know there’s nothing you could tell me that would make me upset, right?”

Objectively, sure, Jungeun knows that, but Jiwoo hasn’t heard the story yet. Jiwoo could walk out halfway through the conversation for all she knows. “I know.”

They sit in silence, Jiwoo filling the silence with the slurps from her straw. Eventually, Jiwoo must sense that Jungeun isn’t merely buying time, but truly struggling to continue. “How about I start?” Jungeun nods. “Okay. Jungeun… why did you leave?”

“Mom got sick. Cancer.” The answer comes out almost robotic. She’s had to say it so many times in her life that it comes instantly and easily. “Dad contacted one of the best doctors in the country and moved us so she could go through chemo.”

Jiwoo’s slurping comes to a halt, lips removing themselves from the straw abruptly. “I.. figured it would be something like that. Maybe not…”

  
Jiwoo trails off, never finishing her sentence. Jungeun is curious, but leaves it be because Jiwoo’s eyes are already filling with tears. She should have known Jiwoo would react like this; they grew up in each other’s homes. Jiwoo was close to her mom, even if it was years ago.

“Hey.” Jungeun reaches a hand across the table. Jiwoo grips it tightly. “It’s okay.”

  
Jiwoo lets out a choked laugh. “Why are _you_ comforting _me_?”

Jungeun shrugs, her smile melancholic. “Seemed like something you would do if the roles were reversed.”

Jiwoo squeezes her hand. “Did she…”

Junguen shakes her head, already aware of what Jiwoo wishes to ask her. “She didn’t make it long. I think… she was ready to go near the end. Dad and I begged her to keep trying, and she did, for us, but at the end… I think she was just exhausted.”

“I’m sorry, Jungie.”

“Me too.” Junguen lets go, afraid she might cry. It’s been a long time since she’s cried over her mother, but Jiwoo has a habit of bringing her emotions to the surface instead of letting them sit in the dark pit she prefers them to stay in. 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me? Why didn’t you call me?”

  
“I don’t know. I guess I thou- it didn’t make it real? If no one knew then maybe it would go away.” Jungeun lets out a bitter noise of resignation. “Some good it did.”

“Hmm.” Jiwoo plays with the napkin on the table, eyes narrowed at Jungeun, like she’s trying to figure something out. “You blamed yourself, didn’t you?” 

Jungeun bites back the exclamation of protest, knowing she’ll give herself away if she reacts too violently. Instead, she takes a deep breath, mumbling, “No.”

She knows that Jiwoo can tell she’s lying, but her friend doesn’t call her out. She does blame herself, and her father. They pushed her to do so many tests because they were afraid of her leaving them, but in the end she was miserable and tired. All because of them and their selfish desires.

“You could have called me afterwards. I could have helped.”

“I don’t think so, Jiwooming.” Jungeun raises a hand, stopping her when she goes to protest. “I’m serious. I was in a bad place after that. The doctors diagnosed me with post traumatic depression.”

When it seems like Jiwoo won’t interrupt, Jungeun continues. “I was irritable, and they put me on so much medicine to make it better, but it didn’t. I wasn’t in a good place for a while. I didn’t mean to avoid you, but I really think I would have lashed out at everyone around me.”

  
There is no ‘I think’ because she did. She and her father fought constantly and her first therapists couldn’t even handle having her.

“And now?” Jiwoo eyes her cautiously, as if looking for any little crack in a facade Jungeun might be putting up.

Jungeun smiles, a real, genuine one. “I’m better. Sort of. I’m not nearly as angry, but I still take medicine for depression and anxiety. Now I can barely talk to strangers without wanting to puke.”

“Really?” Jiwoo blinks. “But you were always the most courageous person I knew. You’re a Gryffindor!”

Jungeun snorts, relishing in the good vibes that Jiwoo seems to always radiate, no matter the situation. “I’m still a Gryffindor. I just have a couple issues now, okay? There’s nothing wrong with me.”

Jiwoo perks up. “Of course there’s nothing wrong with you! Haseul has anxiety too! It’s hard for her sometimes being up on stage in front of people, but she’s working on it every day for her band members. I think it makes it easier when she’s doing it for her friends.”

Jungeun sees through Jiwoo just as easily as Jiwoo sees through her. Jiwoo wants her to take a chance on her friends. She guesses she could do that if it’ll make Jiwoo and Yerim happy. And Jinsol. She figures they’re friends too.

  
  


```

“Jungeun.” Yeojin leans in close, hot breath leaving her ear feeling violated in so many ways. “Did you know Hyunjin is a furry? You should ask her about her fursona.”

  
Jungeun has no fucking clue what a furry or a fursona is, but she’s slowly learned that everything that comes from Yeojin’s mouth is either one hundred percent true and laced with heartfelt honestly, or it’s absolute bullshit meant to torture her friends. There is no in between.

Yeojin’s face is blank, leaving no signs of which it might be, but Yerim’s lips are twitching in amusement so Jungeun makes a note to keep the word furry out of any conversation she might have with Hyunjin. She’ll just ask someone what it is later.

“Jungeun!” Sooyoung plops down next to her in the grass, pushing Yeojin away. The youngest releases a shriek, screaming the entire way to her sister’s side about how evil Sooyoung is. “When are you joining our band?” Jungeun pinches Sooyoung’s thigh. “Ow!”

Jungeun pulls away right before Sooyoung can land a smack to her hand. “Sorry, had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. You don’t have a Jiwoo trailing after you.”

“She’s with Hyejoo and Chaewon.” She gestures to the ice cream machine in the middle of the road where Jiwoo is juggling at least four different cones. “Wait, why’d you pinch _me_?”

She ignores the older girl’s latter question in favor of answering her former. “I don’t play anymore.”

  
Sooyoung stares her down. “Not even for yourself?.”

Jungeun shrugs. “Nah. I sold my piano anyways.”

Sooyoung hums to herself, watching her oddly. It makes Jungeun uncomfortable to see such a look that she’s used to from Jiwoo on her girlfriend’s face. Not for the first time, Jungeun wonders if those two share some sort of weird mental connection.

“What?” She asks defensively.

Sooyoung opens her mouth to respond, at least Jungeun thinks, but they’re interrupted by Jinsol and Jiwoo’s yells. The two girls head their way, two ice cream cones in both of their hands. They watch in utter fasciation as Jiwoo, ever so gracefully, skips over to them while Jinsol trips halfway there. Jiwoo stops dead in her tracks, watching Jinsol pitifully wail over the fallen chocolate cone. Jungeun is impressed she’s managed to keep hold of one at least.

“Should we… help them?” Jungeun questions.

Sooyoung looks like she’s about to burst into laughter, but manages to shake her head. “No, they’ll figure it out.”

  
They do indeed figure it out. Jiwoo passes her ice cream in her left hand to her right, juggling both in an amazing show of balance as she offers her other hand to Jinsol. Jinsol is still pouting, but she grasps Jiwoo’s hand in her own, allowing the smaller girl to pull her and her sole surviving ice cream up.

Jiwoo still has a skip to her step, allowing herself to flop into Sooyoung’s side in a less graceful move. “I got you an ice cream.”

Jungeun groans at their cute display, disgusted they would dare do something like that out in the open where anyone can see them. Jinsol seems to share her sentiment because she tosses them a nasty look when she flops next to Jungeun.

“I got you an ice cream too, but-” Jinsol tosses a look over to the fallen ice cream cone. “-it didn’t make it.”

“Well.” Jungeun smirks. “You can always just give me yours.”

  
Jinsol nods, not seeming to catch the joke. “That was the plan.”

Jungeun blinks at the girl shoving the cone toward her, baffled. “I- It was a joke, Jinsol. Keep it.”

She pushes the offering away, but Jinsol seems adamant that she take it. She eventually lets her give her the ice cream when it begins to melt onto Jinsol’s knuckles.

“Fine.” Jungeun licks the sides, cleaning any evidence of it melting before putting it in front of the girl. “But we’re sharing.” Jinsol stares at her. “If this melts on me, I’m killing you.”

That seems to snap her out of it. Jinsol practically shoves her face into the ice cream, getting some on the tip of her nose. She cleans her knuckles of chocolate, but the tip of her nose remains brown.

Jungeun is mindful to not touch the part that could have possibly went up Jinsol’s nose, taking a large bite out of the opposite side instead. 

“Oh my God, you did not.” Jinsol is staring at her like she’s crazy. Jungeun raises an eyebrow, asking a silent question. “You just bit into ice cream. I was going to marry you, but now I’m having doubts.”

“Oh trust me-” Jungeun laughs at the ridiculousness of this conversation, ignoring the heat rushing to her cheeks at the flirting.”-there’s plenty of other things that would have turned you off if not for the ice cream biting.”

Jinsol leans forward, giving a long lick across the top. Jungeun feels like she shouldn’t have been allowed to see that for some reason. “Mmm no, I don’t think so-” She wipes the tip of her nose with her arm, finally getting rid of the leftover ice cream. “- I still plan on marrying you, don’t worry. I mean, what can be worse than chewing ice cream?”

Jungeun bites back the retort of the tip of her tongue. “What’s so bad about biting?”

  
Sooyoung elbows her from her other side, eyebrows waggling. “Biting can be fun with the right pers-”

Jiwoo punches her in the stomach, effectively cutting her. Jungeun pretends the giggles from the messy girl next to her doesn’t send her stomach into a state of disarray, ignoring her in favor of glaring at Sooyoung.

The four of them end up squabbling more often than not, usually consisting of Jinsol and Jungeun telling the couple how gross they are and said couple defending themselves. Somehow, in between all the arguing, they manage to finish off their treat.

Jinsol yawns and stretches her arms above her head, and for a moment Jungeun truly fears that she’s pulling a move on her, but the bassist merely lies back on the cool grass, closing her eyes. Jungeun can’t fathom how the girl can look so relaxed amidst the chaos happening around them.

The younger girls of the group are being yelled at by Haseul and Vivi, and by that, Jungeun means Haseul is speaking at a slightly higher than usual voice while Vivi supports her to her best ability, the younger ones completely ignoring them.

Jinsol pokes open an eye, catching Jungeun staring. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Jinsol’s lips tilts upward into a lazy smile. “Wanna lay down with me?”

“Maybe.” Jungeun thinks it must be nice to just relax, no worries in her head.

She pokes Jungeun in the side, resting her other arm over head head to hide to sun from her eyes. “Then lay down.”

Jungeun side eyes her, wondering if there’s some ulterior motive. Jinsol doesn’t seem to want anything else from her, but she decides that if Jinsol tries to cuddle her or something as equally atrocious then she’ll just give her a good smack to the head. She’s seen Sooyoung do it enough times that she’s beginning to worry that Jinsol might wind up with a concussion.

“Fine.” Jungeun slowly wiggles her way to the ground, using her own arms as a pillow. “Don’t try anything.”

Jinsol closes her eyes again, seeming content with Jungeun’s decision. “Mm ‘won’t. Jus’ want you t’ lay down with me.”

She sounds sleepy, and Jungeun can’t blame her with the way the sun is beaming down on them. Jungeun takes Jinsol’s lead, resting her eyes. Next to her, Jinsol starts humming a tune that she’s never heard before.

“What is that?” Jungeun reaches blindly for Jinsol’s hand, tapping at her open palm. “What song is that?”

  
“It’s not one yet.” Jinsol lets out an amused breath, grabbing at her finger. “I’m working on it though.”

Jungeun lets her hand rest in Jinsol’s, neither making an attempt for anything more than a simple touch. “Can I hear it when it’s finished?”

  
The older girl doesn’t reply for a few moments and Jungeun is afraid she actually fell asleep on her, but eventually Jinsol says in a low voice, “You’ll be the first one I go to, okay?”

Jungeun finds that she quite likes the sound of that. “Okay.”

When Jungeun wakes up later to Sooyoung and Jiwoo taking pictures of her and Jinsol curled up together, she demands that they delete them, but they get sent to their group chat anyways. Jungeun is also added to said group chat five seconds later much to her disbelief.

She misses the days that people used to be scared to talk to her. She blames Yerim.

  
  


```

It’s the day before school starts back and Jungeun can’t force herself to get out of bed. She needs to, but there’s not an ounce of motivation in her body. She hasn’t moved in at least twelve hours, and her bladder is yelling at her to do literally anything but lay around.

Eventually, she wipes the sleep from her eyes, stretching her limbs, one by one. There’s a distinct pain in her lower back that leaves Jungeun wondering if it’s getting close to that time of the month of if she’s merely laid in one position for far too long.

Slipping out from under the covers, she tells herself getting back under them and sleeping the day away is not a good idea, leaving her legs to dangle over the floor. She bounces a couple times, hoping to get some sort of momentum going.

It’s enough to bring her to the bathroom to finally brush her teeth and relieve her bladder, but she ends up losing interests in being up after washing her face, and ends up back in bed again where she sits for another hour.

She ignores the phone calls and texts she gets all morning long, hoping no one decides to show up at her house now that they know where she lives. 

Apparently it’s too much to hope for because someone starts banging on her door. She contemplates letting the knocking go until they decide to leave, but she hears a distinct voice that has her getting up.

She opens the door, knowing she must look like a mess with her unbrushed hair and sleep clothes. Yerim doesn’t seem to mind; she’s dressed similarly, actually. Jungeun likes her pajamas. The top and bottom match.

“Bad day?” Yerim eyes her steadily.

Jungeun shrugs, wondering if she should have put on a bra. “Yeah.”

  
Yerim nods. “Me too.”

Jungeun wants to ask why Yerim is hiding her hands in her balled up hoodie, but her need to get Yerim inside wins over. “Wanna come sit in bed with me and eat snacks?”

Jungeun feels like Yerim is hiding her nails more than she’s hiding her hands, and that fact alone has her worried.

“Okay.” 

They don’t talk much, letting Netflix fill the quiet air around them as they pile handfuls of chips into their mouths. Jungeun wishes she could do better than this when it’s obvious that Yerim is having troubles today as well, but she can’t find it in her to do so. 

Neither of them are really watching the show, that much is obvious, but Jungeun thinks it’s nice to have someone else there just to sit with. She doesn’t want people asking her what’s wrong because _she_ doesn’t know what’s wrong, or if there’s even something wrong. She just doesn’t know today.

Yerim seems to understand that.

So they sit together, ignoring the chimes of their phones while the three animated bears on the television solve the fourth problem of the day. It’s oddly relaxing if you ignore the smell of sweat lingering in the air. She knows that it’s about time for a shower.

“Thanks,” Yerim says around their ninth episode. 

Jungeun shakes their empty bag of chips in dismay. “For what?”

“For not asking.” The younger girl releases a sad sigh. “Everyone is always asking.”

Jungeun gets it. “And there’s not always an answer.”

Yerim ends up falling asleep, wrapped around her ratty hoodie that looks older than Jungeun’s grandmother’s old ass dog. She wants to ask her what’s up with the piece of clothing she takes everywhere, but she doesn’t want to overstep.

She doesn’t bother waking the girl up. Instead Jungeun finally checks her phone, skimming over all the messages from the group chat that she likes to pretend that she hates. Jiwoo sees right through her, of course, but Jungeun has a reputation to uphold.

It’s mostly just Chaewon and Hyejoo sending memes back and forth, but there’s the occasional comment thrown in from Yeojin or Hyunjin mocking them. Towards the end, there’s a few messages asking if anyone has heard from Jungeun or Yerim.

It leaves a warm feeling in her chest, knowing that someone is thinking about her. She makes sure to snap a picture of Yerim and sends it to them. Jinsol is the first to respond with an obnoxious _how did yerim get into bed with Jungeun before me :(_

She snorts, ready to ignore Jinsol, but then the girl texts her privately. 

**_Lemon Shorts:_ **hey you guys okay

**_Future Wifey <3: _ **We’re okay. Had a We Bare Bears marathon.

**_Lemon Shorts:_ **yerim watches that when she’s sad. was she sad today

**_Future Wifey <3: _ **A little, but she’s okay now.

**_Lemon Shorts:_ **that’s good

**_Lemon Shorts:_** thank you for looking out for her. i’m not very good at this. the cheering her up thing. she’s basically my little sister but i haven’t been a lot of help lately

Jungeun blinks down at her phone, not sure how to respond. She had initially wanted to reply with something funny, but she feels like Jinsol deserves a proper response after baring herself like that to her.

**_Future Wifey <3: _ **I’m sure you’re doing your best. There’s not always an answer to getting better. Sometimes you just have to let someone figure it out for themselves.

**_Lemon Shorts:_ **i know. It hurts seeing her so sad tho

**_Future Wifey <3: _ **Just hug her then. She told me you give the best hugs

**_Lemon Shorts:_ ** i do 

**_Lemon Shorts:_ **if you’re sad you can have my hugs too

**_Future Wifey <3: _ **Do you ever stop hitting on people?

**_Lemon Shorts:_ **i’m not hitting on you. i’m serious. if you need a hug then just say so

**_Lemon Shorts:_ **ur the only one i hit on for the record

Jungeun never responds, her ears feeling a bit too warm after that conversation, and Jinsol never sends her anything else. She assumes the conversation is over for the night.

Eventually, she has to wake up the younger girl because she’s afraid she won’t sleep through the night if she doesn’t. Yerim decides it’s best she goes home soon after.

Before Yerim leaves that night though, she ends up crying into Jungeun’s shoulder. Jungeun doesn’t ask, and Yerim doesn’t tell, but that’s okay because Jungeun has learned that healing is a process, and Yerim isn’t quite to the sharing part yet. 

Jungeun can wait.

  
  


```

  
  


**_Jiwooming:_ **Sooyoung wants you to have lunch with us!!!

**_Jungie:_ **Why doesn’t Sooyoung ask me that then?

**_Jiwooming:_ **Because you’re both emotionally stunted :D

**_Jungie:_ **…

**_Jungie:_ **Fair.

**_Jiwooming:_ **Pick you up after class! ??

**_Jungie:_ **Fine.

**_Jiwooming:_ ** :D:D:D:D

  
  


```

**_Furry?:_ **wanna go feel ducks

**_Owl Girl:_ **Feed?

**_Furry?:_ **no

**_Owl Girl:_ ** Oh… Thank you for the offer, Hyunjin, but I’m busy.

  
  


```

**_Lemon Shorts:_ **hey i found this game called animal crossing 

**_Lemon Shorts:_ **chae looks like the yellow doggy

**_Lemon Shorts:_ **why r you ignoring me

**_Lemon Shorts:_ ** oh wait you go to school

  
  


```

**_Hot Topic:_ **What’s it like being in school all the time, nerd?

**_Kim Jungeun:_ **Didn’t you drop out of high school?

**_Hot Topic:_ **Yeah to become a professional drummer, loser.

**_Kim Jungeun:_ **Did you text me for a reason?

**_Hot Topic:_ **...

**_Hot Topic:_ **Can you help me pick out a present for my dad’s birthday?

**_Kim Jungeun:_ **Why me??

**_Hot Topic:_** Cuz you’re just as lame as my dad.

  
  


```

**_HaSoo:_ **Come get food with me

 **_  
_** **_Bird crew #4:_ **No.

**_HaSoo:_ **Yes

**_Bird crew #4:_ **No.

**_HaSoo:_ **YES

**_Bird crew#4:_ **NO.

**_HaSoo:_ **I’m telling Jiwoo

**_Bird crew#4:_ **I’m not scared of her.

  
  


```

**_Heejin!:_ **Haseul wants to know why Jiwoo beat you up

**_Jungeun!:_ **We’re not talking about it.

  
  


```

She never really gets used to the constant texts that flood her phone at all times of the day. Before Yerim had dragged her into her friend’s basement, she wouldn’t even turn her volume down during classes because she knew that no one would dare send her something. Now she has to turn her phone off to keep the others from distracting her.

She finds herself missing them during classes or remembering something they all did randomly when she’s walking down the halls. Jungeun is pretty sure that everyone thinks that she’s going crazy with how much smiling she’s been doing lately instead of the usual scowls.

She even smiled at Forehead last Sunday. The woman had been taken off guard at the blatant display of friendliness. Yerim had seemed proud though so Jungeun did her best not to glare at Forehead when she then went on to tell her about how happy she is that Jungeun is making progress and suggested getting to know some of the other group attendees.

Jungeun may like Yerim and her friends, but that doesn’t mean she’ll give the other idiots in her little group a chance, especially not after all the whispering they’ve done behind her back.

So school is better this year. Sometimes she ends her day with getting lunch with Jiwoo and Sooyoung, usually completely against her will, or watching Loona practice with the others. Sometimes Jungeun even initiates their time spent together when the others aren’t dragging her around everywhere.

Jinsol, more often than not, tries to pick her up to take her to school on Wednesday and Thursdays, but Jungeun always refuses, genuinely afraid that her truck will fall apart at some point driving them to the university. Yerim and Yeojin typically frequents the middle and passenger seats, leaving Jungeun wondering if Jinsol would shove one of the younger girls into the back of the truck bed if Jungeun said yes one day.

Jungeun is pretty sure the three just like to bug her.

Chaewon and Hyejoo are utterly fascinated by her for some reason. They like to act like they aren’t by constantly making fun of her, but Haseul was quick to inform her that Hyejoo and Chaewon had done the exact same thing to Sooyoung and Jinsol. Jungeun doesn’t know whether to feel honored or scared by the thought.

Junguen, despite being younger than both Haseul and Vivi, feels very protective over the two. And Jungeun, despite being older than both Heejin and Hyunjn, feel very inadequate toward them; the two seem to have everything in their lives figured out already while Jungeun is still struggling to figure out what she wants to study. She can’t remain undeclared very much longer.

It’s a constant weight on her mind lately, trying to figure out what she’s going to do for the rest of her life. She would have loved to write music when she was younger, but she doesn’t have much inspiration for that anymore. Besides, how can she even write if she doesn’t have her piano anymore. It’s silly to think about, but lately she can’t help but let her mind linger on what ifs.

What if she had never stopped playing and continued writing? She could have just skipped college and got right into it. Her father could have gotten her a spot in the industry easily enough. She could be doing something other than struggling through her obligated math classes.

There’s not much she can do about it now.

  
  


```

“Hey,” Sooyoung says. Jungeun offers a hum, her eyes stuck to the video on her phone. She’s not sure why she’s torturing herself like this, watching others live out her dreams of playing on a stage in front of people. “What are you watching?”

“This guy that won a talent show.” She offers the phone, but regrets it when Sooyoung nearly drops it. “Watch it. Break it, you buy it.”

Sooyoung rolls her eyes. “Sure, make your poor friend buy you shit.”

They watch together as the boy finishes on stage, performing much better than anyone would expect of a high schooler. He’s awarded with hearty applause, leaving Jungeun envious. She recognizes the look of awe on his face, and it’s something she wishes she had again. The feeling of accomplishment after you’ve finished and the approval of a crowd.

“He’s good.” Sooyoung tosses the phone back, leaning back into the other corner of the couch, setting her feet into Jungeun’s lap. “I bet you’re better though.”

She attempts to push her feet off, but Sooyoung is stronger than she looks. She gives up and lets the older girl abuse her side with her toes.

“I don’t play anymore.”

“I see you didn’t deny that you were better.” Sooyoung gives one more push into her belly with her big toe.

Jungeun doesn’t deny it, no. She likes to think that she is better than the boy in the video. Jungeun isn’t cocky, she just knows her own skills.

“It doesn’t matter if I was.” Jungeun sighs.

This isn’t even close to the first time that Sooyoung has probed her on the subject, and she’s beginning to get tired of it. Sooyoung is starting to give her hope for a future she’s already thrown away.

“I guess not.” Sooyoung wiggles around to get more comfortable, sadly for Jungeun, that mean Sooyoung shoving her cold feet below Jungeun’s thighs. “It’s not like you have an instrument anymore.”

She pushes off the couch, pinching Sooyoung’s ankles. “Exactly.”

“But what if you did have one?” Sooyoung makes a grab for her wrist before Jungeun can leave. “Would it matter then?”

Jungeun looks down at the girl cozying up to the couch, trying to figure out her angle. “What do you mean? Like… would I play it again?” Sooyoung nods. “Well… Maybe.”

Sooyoung lets go of her, seeming pleased by the answer. “Mm. Good to know.”

Jungeun ignores her ominous comment. She finds her days typically go better when she ignores her best friend’s girlfriend.

```

**_Vivi <3: _ **If Yeojin offers you coffee, say no 

**_Jungeun <3: _ **Why?...

**_Vivi <3: _ **It has hot sauce in it. Haseul found out the hard way

  
  


**_```_ **

**_Tiny:_ **Hey! :D want sum coffee!

**_Yerim’s not as cool friend:_ **Absolutely not

**_Tiny:_ **Coward 

```

**_Momsuel:_ **My taste buds r fried! :(

**_Bird child:_ **I can bring milk?

**_Bird child:_ **Why do you and your sister text exactly alike?

  
  


```

**_Nicki Minaj:_ **can you tell your girlfriend to chill

**_cool unnie:_ **My what?

**_Nicki Minaj:_ **she keeps telling me i look like that dog

**_Nicki Minaj:_ **i don’t even like animal crossing

**_cool unnie:_ **Are you talking about Jinsol??

**_Nicki Minaj:_ **yes your girlfriend

**_Cool unnie:_ **She's not my girlfriend.

```

**_Yerimmie_ ** **:** why does Ms. Park have such a large forehead?

**_Jungeunnie:_ **Who?

**_Yerimmie:_ **Our group therapy leader???

  
  


```

  
  
  


“I swear if this is a prank, I will kill all of you.” Jungeun blindly reaches for the wall, even after Jiwoo has repeatedly pulled her off of it. “Where are we going?”

Jiwoo giggles, tugging her arm. “To the basement of course.”

She pulls at the blindfold around her head, only to have her hand pulled away by her best friend’s sweaty hands. “Ew, you’re hands are gross.”

“They do that when I get nervous!” Jiwoo shrieks back, as if Jungeun didn’t already know that after years of Jiwoo’s nervous hand holding.

“You’re nervous?” Jungeun lets loose a hysterical laugh.” You’re the one th-”

“Step!” Jiwoo yanks her down onto the fist step to the basement.

“-that’s taking _me_ to the basement with a blindfold on. One wrong move and I’ll fall down and break my neck.”

  
Jiwoo groans, leading her gently down the stairs. “If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t push you down the stairs. I’d get Yeojin and Hyunjin to do it.”

  
“So you admit this is a cult?”

“Last step!” Jiwoo pulls her to a stop once she’s tugged her to the middle of the room.

Jungeun can tell exactly where they are because the cold air from one of the vents are hitting her. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” She hears a giggle off to the side that most definitely doesn’t belong to Jiwoo. “Wait, who all is here?”

Jiwoo shushes her, pulling at the blindfold with skillful hands. It takes her eyes a second to adjust to the sudden light, but her ears are greeted with a loud chorus from the assembled group.

“Surprise!” Jungeun blinks at the sight of her friends surrounding her in a large circle.

“Oh my God.” She takes in the way they’re all watching her. It’s a little unnerving. “Am I being sacrificed?”

“No, silly!” Yerim laughs, dipping under her arm for a hug. “We’re here to give you a gift?”

Jungeun tightens her grip around Yerim on instinct. “Am I… being given immortality?”

Chaewon throws her hands up in exasperation. “We aren’t a cult!”

“Jungeun.” Yerim tugs at her leather jacket from under her arm. “Look.”

Yerim nods toward their makeshift stage. It takes a moment to find what she’s gesturing at, but when Jungeun catches sight of the new instrument, right beside the drum set, she feels her knees buckle. Luckily for her, Yerim is there to hold her up until she can regain her balance.

She takes slow steps toward the electric keyboard, as if afraid she might run it off. The others make way, allowing her to take her time. “You guys…”

She runs a finger across the cool keys. The touch feels almost foreign now, but there’s a deep part of her mind that knows without a doubt that she could jump right back into it. She knows she could.

“You-” She whips her head around to search for Sooyoung. “-got me a keyboard?”

Sooyoung shrugs, wrapping an arm around a bouncing Jiwoo. “Don’t look at me. I mentioned it and everyone chipped in a little, not Yeojin though, she’s a cheap ass, but Jinsol is the one that picked up extra shifts this month.”

Jungeun finds Jinsol next, who is eyeing the ground in the corner, looking sheepish. “You picked up extra shifts for m- my keyboard?” 

She wanted to say ‘for me?’ but that seems way too personal. Not just for a room full of people, but for Jungeun period.

Jinsol, like Sooyoung had, shrugs. “It’s not a big deal-”

“It is!” Jungeun doesn’t yell, but she may as well with how her voice carries across the quiet room. “It is a big deal, so don’t say it’s not.”

It’s not exactly a secret that Jinsol isn’t rolling in money. From what Jiwoo has told her, Jinsol, Sooyoung, and Haseul had met specifically because none of them came from money; all three picking up backpacks full of food before the weekends during school hours so they’d have something to eat. 

“Why would you do that?” She stomps over, eyeing Jinsol harshly.

“Woah, hey, why are you angry?” Hyejoo makes an attempt to get in her way, but Jungeun squeezes past her.

“Jungeun?” Jinsol reaches a hand out, forehead furrowed in confusion.

Jungeun swats at her hand, giving her shoulder a little push with enough force to unbalance her, but not enough to cause any harm. “What’s wrong with you? That thing had to have cost you three hundred dollars, right?” It did. Jungeun knows so because she had eyed the exact model at her Dad’s work last month when she had to bring him lunch on one of their better days. “Why would you spend your money on someone like me?”

“What do you mean?” Jinsol seems disturbed by her wording. “What does that mean? ‘Someone like me?’”

“It means exactly what it sounds like!” Jungeun _is_ yelling this time. “I’m not worth that money, Jinsol. You could have spent that on something important!”

Jungeun knows for a fact that Jinsol has wanted parts to fix her truck since before they had even met, and now she probably doesn’t have the money to do so, all because she did this instead. Jungeun feels terrible now.

“I did spend it on something important!” She bites back defensively.

 _Oh no,_ Jungeun thinks, _don’t do this. Don’t freak out on them. Don’t push them away. Don’t do what you always do when someone shows that they care, damn it._

“I’m not.” Jungeun backs away, only for her back to meet with Vivi’s gentle hands. “I’m not.”

Vivi rubs her back gently, eyes sad. “Of course you are, Jungeun. You’re important to us.”

Jungeun glances around, meeting each and every one of their concerned looks. Those looks should be comforting, but she feels like she’s being backed into a corner, and like a wild animal, Jungeun is ready to bare her teeth and fight her way out.

“You don’t know me.” Jungeun slides around Vivi, avoiding the reaching hands. “None of you know who I am or what I-” She chokes up trying to swallow her emotions down. “-what I- what-”

“Jungeun.” Yerim grabs her hands, stepping in her way. “Don’t do that.”

Jungeun shakes her head, clearing the memories swarming her head of these people. “I don’t know-”

  
“Stop!” Yerim tightens her grip, expression changing to one of anger. “Stop getting scared every time someone tries to help you. Or care about you. Or love you.”

Jungeun fights for her hands. “You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t care or try to help or-”

  
“Well that’s too late.” Yerim stomps her foot, eyes welling with tears. “You don’t get to do that to us! _You_ volunteered to give me a ride home. _You_ text us and ask us about our days. _You_ treat us with love. It’s too late to tell us not to care about you.”

“It wasn’t for you!” Jungeun bites out, desperate to hurt her. Desperate for Yerim to let her go. “It was for the good deed we were supposed to do that week! I never wanted to help you!”

Someone sucks in an audible breath and another gasps. Jungeun already feels like a piece of shit for saying it now, but she needs to leave before-  
“I know.” Yerim admits.

Jungeun blinks, shock from the confession rooting her in place. “What?”

“I knew why you were taking me home.” Yerim confesses, voice low. “But you kept coming back, didn’t you? You kept coming back for me.”

  
Jungeun opens her mouth, but the fight leaves her when she sees the look in Yerim’s eyes. There is no anger or hurt, just understanding. Yerim understands.

“You have to stop running from us, Jungeun.” Yerim pulls her into a hug. “We’re just going to keep chasing after you. Might as well save us the run.”

Jungeun sniffles, arms wrapping around her tightly. She sticks her nose into her hair, forehead resting against the younger girl’s temple. She whispers out a tiny, “I’m sorry.”

Yerim gives a barely recognizable nod. “I know.”

  
And she does, Jungeun realizes. Yerim does know. She gets it, she knows. No one is going to understand the way Yerim does.

She avoids the gazes of everyone around her, especially Jinsol's. There was no real reason for her to react so wild like that, but the thought of someone wanting to take care of her after taking care of herself for so long.... is scary. Jinsol taking care of her in particular is scary.

There’s a few muttered apologies around the room, and just like that, things are going back to normal. None of them question her on her freak out, and no one asks if she’s okay now. They seem to recognize that Jungeun is ready to move on now, and so should they.

“Jungeun!” Sooyoung pulls her toward the makeshift stage. “Let the master show you how to work a keyboard. I know you must be a little rusty.”

Jungeun releases a frustrated sigh. “Glad you’re back to being an imbecile.”

“Ooh.” Sooyoung switches the instrument on, giving her a mocking look. “Big word for you. ‘Imbecile.’”

Jungeun cringes at the monstrosity that is Ha Sooyoung playing a piano, not even able to last a full minute before she’s pushing her hands away. “You should stick to the guitar.”

“Fine, you play.” Sooyoung smirks, moving out of the way for her. She thinks she’s being smooth, Jungeun can tell by the way she shoots a conspiring wink at Jiwoo, but she’s not in the slightest. Jungeun is quite aware of her efforts to get her to play.

Jungeun sighs, allowing herself to step in front of the keyboard. She rests her fingers over the keys, only noticing how quiet it is when she glances around to find everyone’s gazes on her. Jinsol’s gaze in particular sets her on edge.

The older girl seems to sense her panic and smiles, nodding at her. It’s a relief to know Jinsol isn't upset with her, still wants her to play even after her outburst.

She starts slow, testing out the keys. It’s been a while, but she remembers exactly what she’s doing. She starts out a little too fast from excitement, but slows down when she realizes the others are waiting for her to actually play.

“Um.” Jungeun clears her throat. “Any requests?”

Jiwoo raises a hand like an excited little kid. “The one you used to play for me! Please!”

Jungeun laughs a little at the request. Jiwoo and she used to love that Tim Burton movie, the skeleton Christmas one. She would play one of the songs for Jiwoo all the time, just because it was their favorite.

“Okay.” Jungeun nods, allowing her fingers to simply flow across the keys.

It’s funny, how embedded the movement is in her brain. She doesn’t even have to look at the keys half the time, her brain on auto pilot as her finger swiftly move around. She finds time to glance around to find the others watching her happily. She thinks they like the song, but half of them don’t even seem to be paying attention to her notes. Instead, she thinks they’re watching her smile, something she didn’t even realize she had been doing at first.

And Jinsol; she’s slowly making her way to her from her little corner. Jungeun almost fumbles at the look on her face, so full of fondness, but manages to save herself from too much embarrassment by steadying her gaze on her hands.

She plays for the next hour for her friends, feeling more joy run through her than she’s felt in years. She didn’t think it was possible to be this happy again, but here she is, surrounded by friends that didn’t let her run away from them.

Jiwoo, and the ever annoying Sooyoung, have downloaded some sort of lighter app to wave around on their phones. The younger four flock together like always, seeming to be having some sort of argument on who Jungeun’s favorite is (Spoiler alert; it’s Yerim). Haseul, Heejin, and Vivi calmly cheer her on while Hyunjin occasionally screams for her to play some obscure Indie band’s song.

Jinsol loiters by her side, watching her hands as Jungeun avoids eye contact.

“I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought…” Jinsol stops, making sure Jungeun is listening. She is, even with her notes still filling the air. “You didn’t have the choice to play anymore. I thought if you had one, a piano… then you at least had the choice. Now you can decide if you want to play or not, but you don’t have to.”

Jungeun slowly stops, much to her tiny crowd’s disappointment. “You spent a lot of money-”

  
“That’s not a reason to play.” Jinsol gives a tiny kick to her shin, no real force behind it. “I don’t care about the money, it’s fine.”

It’s not okay, but Jungeun keeps her mouth shut.

“I’m just saying, Jungeun. If you don’t wanna play, you don’t ever have to touch it again, but if you do, it’s here.”

Jungeun stares at her for a long time, trying to get a read on her, but Jinsol seems to only want Jungeun to make a decision. She’s not sure what to do with that.

“You just want me to make a choice? You’re not going to ask me to join the band like Sooyou-”

  
“I just want you to be happy, that’s all.” Jinsol admits, a red tint to her cheeks. Jungeun can feel her own face heating up.

“I didn’t meant to get mad, I’m just not used to having people care about me and I'm not used to caring about people.” Jungeun plays a few notes, whispering so the others don’t hear, “And you… you scare me.”

Jinsol does the staring this time. She’s searching for something, and Jungeun hopes she can see that she’s being honest. She… feels with Jinsol, and it's not something she’s used to, especially because it seems like Jinsol might feel something too.

“You scare me, too,” She mutters.

Jungeun swallows, eyes locked onto Jinsol’s. Neither of them seem too worried about looking away, merely watching one another. It’s a strange feeling. Jungeun knows Jinsol wants… something from her, but she hasn’t pushed her for anything.

“Thank you.” Jungeun eventually breaks the staring contest. “For the piano.”

Jinsol smiles, and for the first time in a long time, Jungeun plays.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I typically write Yeojin as the 'annoying yet endearing little sister' role, but she's growing up to be so mature and strong headed. I'm so proud of her.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s official, Jungeun has been dragged into their silly band. Don’t get her wrong, she adores Haseul, their unofficial leader, and Hyejoo, their unofficial hooligan, but between Sooyoung picking on her and Jinsol’s heart eyes, she doesn’t think she’ll ever really get anything done, and she  _ really  _ needs to practice.

She’s great on her own, a true genius if she’s to listen to her father, but Jungeun has never had to play with others before. It’s a brand new experience. She has to know what sounds best together with who and she needs to remember not to get caught up in the other’s sounds. It’s truly a new challenge.

They practice every day they possibly can, school and jobs getting in the way sometimes (although Jungeun has finally quit her part time job in an effort to learn to relax more, school still offers plenty of stress though), but there’s a lot of playful bickering that Jungeun never knows how to take, and she isn't used to such easy criticism. Half the time when Haseul stops them and looks over at Jungeun, she’s looking waiting for a harsh scolding, but Haseul always gives a reassuring smile and merely explains to Jungeun what is being done wrong rather than attacking her like she fears.

Her old piano teacher always yelled at her. It’s a nice change.

Haseul is wonderful like that, always so patient and understanding as she teaches the others. It’s obvious that the woman studies music intently. She has a fine understanding of everything they do, always ready to offer a textbook perfect answer to any of the questions they have.

Jinsol is the opposite, and it’s terribly funny when she tries to help Haseul explain anything to them. Jinsol has not spent a single day studying like Haseul has, but she has a just as deep understanding of music as her. While Haseul uses technical terms and fancy words, Jinsol uses noises and touch to teach them.

Sooyoung is a strange one to play with. Jungeun knows she used to dance because Yerim had told her that first day she took her home from therapy that Sooyoung had taught Yeojin, but she hadn’t expected it to influence Sooyoung so much during practice. Sooyoung seems to be able to feel the music flowing through the air, and she uses it to her advantage.

Hyejoo is very different from the others. While Haseul and Jinsol understand the music, and Sooyoung feels the music, Hyejoo’s body is  _ made _ of music. Sometimes, in those moments that Jungeun allows herself to get distracted by the others, she’ll watch them intently, but her eyes always stray to Hyejoo. There’s something magnetic about the way Hyejoo plays, as if she’s not even conscious of the movement of her body, the swing of her arms as she strikes the drums. Hyejoo will even close her eyes at times, leaving herself to rely on instinct alone. It’s addicting to watch.

Jungeun isn't sure what she brings to practice yet. She’s usually a little too sullen for the happy atmosphere due to the lack of progress she’s making, but the others never ask her to leave like she’s halfway expecting, and they never treat her badly for her irritability. She’s thankful for it, even if she doesn’t ever acknowledge it.

The non-band members of their little group are always popping up during practice, usually Yeojin since the girl lives there. Jungeun has become fond of the way the youngest pops up unannounced, either there to spread encouragement or to absolutely destroy Haseul’s eardrums. 

She gets a little nervous when the others watch though. She can’t help but feel inferior to the other band members when they have so much chemistry together, and Jungeun knows it’s obvious how out of sync she is with them. Still, they only offer her encouragement.

That, of course, doesn’t mean she doesn’t need someone to talk about it with though, which brings Jungeun where she is now, sitting at home with someone who has an outside view on her progress.

“Do you like being in the band?” Jiwoo puts the finishing touches on Jungeun’s nails, blowing little spurts of air on her fingers. Jungeun pulls away when it begins to tickle, careful not to spill the open bottle of nail polish onto her bed sheets.

“Yes and no.” Jungeun blows her own nails this time in an attempt to dry them. She hadn't been sure how to feel about Jiwoo’s proposition for a girl’s night, but it feels like the right decision now. “I’ve missed playing, but it’s like I don’t belong there.”

Jiwoo tosses the closed bottle of polish onto the dresser before falling backwards onto Jungeun’s fluffy pillows, eyes closing shut. “Really? Sooyoungie says you’re perfect for the group.”

“Oh.” Jungeun slowly sinks onto her back, right next to Jiwoo. “Well… that’s good to know. I still feel like the odd man out though.”

  
Jiwoo laughs, turning on her side to stare Jungeun down with a playful glare. “Well duh. You’ve only been practicing with them for… what? Three weeks now? Chill, you’ll find your sound soon enough. It took Hyejoo a little bit too when she first joined.”

“No way.” Jungeun twists herself around to mirror Jiwoo. “Hyejoo? She- like… bleeds music.”

Jiwoo laughs, a full bellied one. “She does, but she was even worse off than you. Can you imagine dropping out of high school to do music full time and surrounding yourself with girls so much older than you?”

“No,” Jungeun says truthfully.

She could never even dream of dropping everything just for her music, and to play with a tight knit group of girls like those three? Jungeun has to say, Hyejoo is by far the coolest kid she’s ever met in her life.

“And look at her now.” Jiwoo pinches her cheek. It’s obnoxious, but Jungeun doesn’t swat her away strictly because of how nostalgic it makes her feel. “You’re already making more progress than Hyejoo. Give it time.”

Jungeun finally gives in to the pain in her cheeks, swatting away the grabby fingers. “Fine. I’ll stop complaining to Jinsol about how bad I am.”

Jiwoo lets out a sudden chirp of a laugh, sitting up with a speed unknown to Jungeun’s slow body. “Oh no, I don’t think Jinsol minds at all.”

She groans at the teasing look on Jiwoo’s face. “Please, no.”

Jiwoo whines, flopping her body down onto Jungeun. “Jungiieee, please! We haven’t gotten to talk about crushes in so long together!”

“I-” Jungeun wrestles the girl crushing her with all her strength, unfortunately her strength is nothing compared to Jiwoo’s. “-do not have a crush.”

Jiwoo seems to have enough of her weak pushing and finally just sticks a knee into her stomach, pinning her arms. If anyone were to come in now, their positions would look quite suggestive, but the metaphorical steam coming from Jungeun’s ears proves quite the opposite.

“Liar!” Jiwoo pushes her knee further into Jungeun’s stomach. “You’re always turning red around her!”

“Get off, you fucking gremlin!” She tries to maneuver her foot around Jiwoo’s leg and under her belly, but Jiwoo is too smart for that, blocking her path with her hip. “We’re not talking about this.”

Eventually, Jiwoo seems to realize she’s not getting an actual answer any time soon and lets go with a pout. “Boo. You suck.”

She pushes Jiwoo’s head down onto the bed in a childish display of revenge. It’s a cheapshot, but it’s also the only shot Jungeun will ever be able to pull off against Kim ‘I can beat up men three times my size’ Jiwoo.

“Look.” Jungeun raises her hands in surrender when it seems like Jiwoo might go back for round two. “There’s nothing to talk about, really. There’s nothing going on between us.”

Jiwoo gives up on the fight, giving her a suspicious glance instead. “Really? Jinsol thinks there is.”

Jungeun blinks, a strange little pang of hope filling her chest that she desperately tries to ignore. “She does?”

Jiwoo smirks. “That was an enthusiastic reply.”

She groans falling face first back into her pillow. She hears Jiwoo laugh, but refuses to acknowledge it, sticking her nose deep into the fluff to avoid her.

“She hasn’t said anything to me, but Sooyoung told me that Jinsol told Haseul that-” Jungeun is already overwhelmed by the many names, not sure if she’s correctly keeping up with the story. It’s one of the things she dislikes the most about hanging out with such a large group, the constant travel of news through one another. “-Jinsol likes you a lot.”

“Oh.” Her voice comes out muffled from the pillow, but she’s sure Jiwoo can understand her. “That’s… something.”

Jungeun doesn’t know what to make of the statement.

On one hand, she really likes the way Jinsol constantly bugs her, especially the mornings she offers to drive her to school. She also likes how patient Jinsol is with her. Jungeun knows she’s not always the easiest to be around some days. She has her bouts of irritability, and it’s off putting for most, but Jinsol never complains. Jungeun likes their especially good days too, when her medicine is properly working and she responds to Jinsol’s flirty comments with obviously fake sarcasm.

On the other hand, however, Jungeun is scared of Jinsol. Not in the ‘oh she’ll kill me with a chainsaw’ way, but in the ‘she’ll hurt my heart’ way. It happens all the time, people get tired of Jungeun. She doesn’t blame them; some days, the only thing she can really afford to spend her energy on is rolling out of bed to take a shower and finish homework, and if anyone dares to try and make her do otherwise, she snaps at them. Who really wants to be around that consistently?

Even if they were to make it work, what would happen if they broke up? Jungeun would have to leave the band, and she  _ just _ got music back. Jungeun finally has a group of friends again that she doesn’t think will leave her just because she has the inability to be emotionally stable at all times, but she’s certain if they had to choose sides, they would pick Jinsol.

Why wouldn’t they? Jinsol, Haseul, and Sooyoung are the heart of their little group after all.

“Hey.” Jiwoo’s voice is soft. “Whatever it is, you’re thinking about it too hard.”

  
“Yeah, probably.” Jungeun isn’t above admititing that.

Depression is a strange thing. She can always feel herself slipping back into a darker place, and if she weren’t so self aware of her emotions, she probably wouldn't be able to crawl herself back out of the hole she’s constantly digging.

It’s important, to be self aware, otherwise she irrationally lashes out at the people around her. At the moment she, objectively, knows that she’s thinking dangerously, but it’s not always easy to lead herself back into the light.

“Wanna talk about it?” Jiwoo is testing the waters, waiting for a possible harsh reply. Jungeun loves her for still trying anyways, knowing she could get a verbal hit from Jungeun. “We don’t have to, but I think you’d feel better.”

“Okay.” Jungeun flips back over with a loud sigh. 

“You’re thinking all sad-like, aren’t you?” Jiwoo gives a gentle smile, like she’s aware of where Jungeun’s mind currently is. “Tell me about it.”

She curls her knees up to her chest, sliding back against her headboard. Her past therapists would surely scold her for it, telling her it’s not good to put off physical barriers like so, but Jungeun has never liked her therapists. 

“Jinsol is…” Jungeun frowns, not able to come up with the words she wants. “I like being around her.”

  
Jiwoo tilts her head, a silent request for her to continue.

“But I’m… difficult to deal with, Jiwoo.”

Jiwoo scoffs. “We all are.”

“Oh yeah.” Jungeun rolls her eyes. “I’m sure Kim Jiwoo is anything but the perfect little girlfriend.”

  
Jiwoo glares, and it’s not the cute little fake frowning thing she usually does. There’s venom in her narrowed eyes. It’s not an expression Jungeun is used to receiving from her.

“No one is perfect, Jungeun, and you don’t know everything about me anymore.” Jiwoo takes a deep breath. Jungeun gets the feeling she’s in for a ride. “I wasn’t… very good to Sooyoung the first year we were together. It was my last year of highschool, and Sooyoung was in college with a dancing scholarship.”

Jungeun wants to comfort Jiwoo, not sure how to feel about the sullen look on her best friend’s face. 

“She dropped out, said college just wasn’t for her.” Jiwoo scratches at her cheek, eyes avoiding Jungeun’s intense gaze. “My parents were already iffy about me dating Sooyoung. She was an older girl, didn’t come from a very good home, and was just… very different from what they wanted for me.”

Jungeun assumes that’s code for Sooyoung wasn’t a rich lawyer type that would keep Jiwoo financially afloat.

“But you’re together today.” Jungeun scoots a little closer to Jiwoo. She tries not to feel offended by the way Jiwoo flinches away. “So something went right.”

“I guess, but it was a rough journey to get here.” Jiwoo shrugs. “I begged Sooyoung to find a full time job or take online classes. Something, anything, to impress my parents. She did get the job, of course, because she cared so much about me.” Jiwoo rolls her eyes fondly. “She hated it, but kept it for months because it impressed my parents enough to keep her in their good graces.”

“She does seem like the self-sacrificing type,” Jungeun jokes.

Luckily, it gets a little giggle from Jiwoo. “She most definitely is.”

  
“So what happened after that?”

“We broke up after she announced she was starting a band and moving in with Jinsol so she would only have to work a part time job.” Jiwoo finally meets her gaze, eyes full of guilt. “My parents told me I wasn’t allowed to date… a bum… so we broke up.”

“I…” Jungeun blinks slowly. Sooyoung and Jiwoo have the perfect relationship. At least, Jungeun thought they did. “I didn’t know that.”

Her best friend shrugs again, this time a little self deprecatingly. “It’s not something I like talking about, but you’ve been honest with me about everything that you’ve gone through. I feel like I owe you.”

Jungeun risks scooting closer again. This time, Jiwoo doesn’t flinch away from her. “So how did you get back together.”

Jiwoo smiles. “I ran away from home one night.”

“What?” Jungeun practically screeches. This is by far the wildest thing she’s ever heard from Jiwoo. Not that she has many moments to compete for the position; she and Jiwoo have never really been crazy risk takers. “You ran away? To where? To your ex-girlfriend?”

Jiwoo laughs at her. “Yes, to Sooyoung. I packed a bag of clothes and ran off to her new house, got lost multiple times along the way. Jinsol answered the door by the way- I think I just about gave her a heart attack- and I... begged Sooyoung to take me back.”

Jungeun whistles, impressed. “Wow. That takes some balls.”

“Yep.” Jiwoo puffs up, all proud-like. “I looked like an idiot, I’m sure, but I told Sooyoung that it didn’t matter what she did or didn’t do with her life. I really didn’t care, I just knew that I wanted to spend the rest of it with her. She gave me another chance and I made it clear to my parents that they didn’t have a say in my relationship anymore”

“So what?” Jungeun nudges her. “You told me all that to rub your epicly lame love story in my face?”

  
“No, Jungie.” Jiwoo sighs. “I’m telling you that we all have flaws. You take medicine for your dumb brain-”

“I have a very smart brain, thank you very much.”

Jiwoo rolls her eyes fondly, much like she had earlier. “-and sometimes you forget to shower for a few days-”

  
“You don’t have to call me out like that.”

“-but what’s important is that none of that makes you worth not loving. Every single one of us care about you, Jungie. We all have bad days.”

  
Jungeun slowly lets her legs fall from her chest. In her head, she can hear her past therapists congratulating her. “I have more issues than others.”

  
“Maybe, maybe not.” Jiwoo shrugs, the corner of her lips lifting in amusement. “But I bet you’ve never gotten so angry that you’ve smashed Hyejoo’s drum set.”

  
“What?” Jungeun immediately starts trying to figure out who could have pulled that off. “No, I would never.”

“Well, you have one up on Chae then.” Jiwoo laughs at the way Jungeun’s eyes widen in surprise. “Really, you think you’re some dark edge lord, but you’re just a sad little lesbian who is way too dramatic.”

  
“Am not!” Jungeun pauses for a beat. “Did Chaewon really smash Hyejoo’s drums?”

Jiwoo falls back, tugging Jungeun down with her. “She… doesn’t always deal with things properly.”

  
“Wow.” Jungeun allows Jiwoo to curl up into her side, just like they used to when they were younger.

Jiwoo hums into her shoulder. “I told you. We can all be difficult to deal with sometimes. What’s important is that we allow others to help us grow.”

“Yeah.” Jungeun nods. “Maybe you’re right.”

They sit there for a while in silence. Jiwoo merely enjoys the opportunity to cuddle while Jungeun thinks deeply on her words. 

It’s probably about time Jungeun let go of all her worries of being a burden, but still, she doesn’t know how to go about this Jinsol thing. This is the first time in a long time that she’s allowed people to get close to her, much less tried for something more than platonic. She supposes she’ll just have to let it play out and go from there.

“So.” Jiwoo pulls back to look her dead in the eyes. “About Jinsol-”

“No.” Jungeun pushes her off the bed.

  
  


```

Things are awkward today for some reason that Jungeun can’t figure out. It seems to be affecting both Haseul and Jinsol too, but Sooyoung and Hyejoo both steadily avoid one another’s gaze. Jungeun can only assume something has happened between the two for them to not be bickering like they usually do.

Instead of putting her nose into their business, she sticks to Jinsol’s side, allowing Haseul to poke and prod at the other two. Jungeun wishes her luck.

“Any idea what that’s about?” Jungeun slides down the wall full of their colorful animals, settling next to Jinsol on the floor. 

“What, them?” Jinsol gives a dismissive wave at the others. “They fight all the time.”

Jungeun blinks, confused. “I thought you guys were all really close.”

“We are.” Jinsol laughs, patting Jungeun’s knee. She misses the contact when Jinsol moves her hand away. “But we all clash sometimes. I mean, we’re all very different people, Jungeun. Are you telling me you agree with everything we say?”

“In general?”

“During practice.” Jinsol clarifies.

Jungeun shuffles uncomfortably on the hard ground. “I... guess not, but I haven’t really been here long enough to help make de-”

“Stop right there.” Jinsol holds a hand up, effectively cutting her off. “None of us are above the others. Even Haseul, who we put in charge for most things, won’t discredit your ideas or words, okay?”

Jungeun slowly nods. “Okay.”

They both watch the scene unfolding before them. Hyejoo and Sooyoung staring each other down while Haseul scolds them. It’s funny, they both tower over the tiny girl, and yet they both look slightly scared of her.

“Haseul is really good at this.”

Jinsol nods in agreement. “She really is, but she’s used to always taking care of everyone so it makes sense.”

Jinsol gives a sad sigh, eyes locked on the back of Haseul’s head. Jungeun figures she’s missing something important.   
“What do you mean?”

“Hm?” She jerks her head away, eyes narrowed. “Oh, right. I keep forgetting you don’t know everything like the others. Sorry, sometimes it just feels like you’ve been here with us forever and I forget.”

Joy fills her chest at Jinsol’s words. It’s good to know that she’s not sticking out like a sore thumb within the group. “It’s okay, but what does that mean?”

Jinsol slumps backs against the wall, grumbling when her head hits too hard. “Well, Haseul won’t mind me telling you. She’s pretty open about it.” 

Jungeun sits up straight, feeling a story coming along. She’s been hearing a lot of them lately now that she thinks about it, and is starting to consider herself as a connoisseur of such. 

“Haseul and Yeojin were adopted out of foster care when they were little. Hasuel was…” Jinsol stops to think, tongue idly slipping past her teeth as she tries to remember. Jungeun makes a point to tear her eyes away from Jinsol’s mouth. “Nine, I think? Her family was pretty well off for a couple years after the adoption and she didn’t have to constantly watch over Yeojin like she had in foster care, but their mom didn’t work to make sure the girl’s settled in and then their dad lost his job and… well, she was back to making sure Yeojin ate as much as possible at school in case they wouldn’t be able to eat dinner.”

Jungeun hums, eyes watching the way Sooyoung and Hyejoo are apologizing to one another, Haseul watching like a proud mother duck. “Is that why they’re both so little?”

“Probably.” Jinsol shrugs. She’s watching them too, fondness in her eyes. “Never ate enough to grow properly. The school ended up sending them home with bags full of cereal and fruits on Fridays so they wouldn't be hungry over the weekend. That’s actually how we met. Me, Sooyoung, and Haseul. We were always the poor kids picking up our bags together. Somehow, we turned into best friends.”

“You and Sooyoung aren’t small like them.” Jungeun points out.

“We didn’t have to split our food with a little sister.” And as if she knows they’re talking about her, Yeojin lets out a scream from upstairs. “One bag per family.”

Haseul screams back to the younger girl upstairs. Jungeun isn’t really sure why they’re yelling, hadn’t really been paying attention past the banshee yells, but whatever Yeojin is griping about is enough to have Haseul running up the stairs with an angry look on her face.

“It’s weird-” Jungeun snorts when the sounds of metal, kitchen pans maybe, overwhelms the yelling the two sisters are doing. “-sometimes Yeojin tries to take care of everyone else as if she’s the oldest instead, but I guess it’s because she watched Haseul.”

“Mhm.” Jinsol tugs at the little strings on her lemon shorts. “It’s why we spoil her so much, ya know? She tries so hard to take care of us, and we all wish she didn’t.”

“You want her to be able to relax and not worry because none of you got that.” Jungeun is guessing, but from what she knows of the other’s personalities, it’s not much of a stretch.

“Yeah.” Jinsol looks surprised at the astute observation. “She’s the baby, always has been, and-”

“Hey!” Hyejoo throws an empty water bottle. Jungeun dips on instinct, but Jinsol apparently lacks the same reaction time because she’s smacked right in the forehead. “Stop making out and come get ready to practice.”

“Yeah.” Sooyoung tosses a strange look toward Hyejoo. There’s a silent message that they must send to one another because they nod, smiling far too mushy for Jungeun’s taste. “We’ve got a show to prepare for.”

Jungeun chokes on her own spit. “Excuse me?”

Jinsol seems shocked as well. “Wait, since when?”

Hyejoo practically bounces on her seat. “Since Haseul just decided. I’ve been telling her we have to get Jungeun some experience playing on stage with us-”

  
“And I’ve been arguing that you haven’t practiced enough with us yet.” Sooyoung pokes at the drum kit. Hyejoo hits her on the knuckle with her stick. “Which is why we’ve been fighting.”

“-and Haseul made us compromise by pushing back the date I wanted so you can practice. But we  _ are _ getting you ready for a stage performance.”

Jungeun feels her heart skip a beat, anxiety already rising in her chest. “What? No, I’m- I’m not ready for that.”

“You will be.” Sooyoung is still rubbing at her knuckles, a bright red welp forming across her hand. “We’ve got to get you used to working with us in front of a crowd. You’re doing good, Jungeun, but you don’t know how to play with a group for real. We have to teach you.”

There’s a bit more banging upstairs from what Jungeun can only assume is the aftermath of Yeojin and Haseul’s third mini war of the week. It does enough to distract her for a moment, but when Jinsol rejoins the other two, her heart is back to sinking into her stomach.

“I...I guess.” Jungeun takes her spot behind the keyboard.

Jinsol sends her a reassuring smile. “You’ve got this.”

Hyejoo starts bouncing, literally this time. “Okay, let’s just do the instrumental while we’re waiting for Haseul.”

The other two send thumbs up, settling into place. Hyejooo has her sticks raised above her head, but she’s waiting for Jungeun to give the go ahead. Finally, Jungeun sticks her palm out, thumb in air. 

She hopes she doesn’t pass out during their first performance.

  
  


```

When Sooyoung told her that they would be playing at a bar, she’d expected something small and dark, but imagine Jungeun’s surprise when she found herself hiding in the corner of what is practically a popular clubbing venue.

The actual bar is still a little dingy, but there’s a wide floor with fluorescent lights hanging on the ceiling for the patrons to dance under and the stage in the back looks sturdier than the bar top they serve alcohol on. 

“How are you feeling?” Jiwoo rubs her shoulders reassuringly. 

Jungeun takes in a deep breath, just barely conscious of the girl standing behind her chair. She’s glad that she's sitting because she’s certain that she’d be tumbling to the ground without the support under her bottom.

“Jungeun?” Jiwoo tries again, leaning her weight into the metal bars on the back of the chair. 

This time it catches her attention. “Yeah?”

Jiwoo’s massage stops. “You okay?”

She nods, even if it’s a lie. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“She’s fine!” Hyejoo appears out of thin air, startling Jiwoo’s hands away from her shoulders. 

She doesn’t literally appear from thin air, actually she’s pretty sure Hyejoo was just talking to Chaewon from her seat at the booth behind jungeun, but Jungeun is so hyper fixed on the band on stage finishing their last song that it might as well be the case. Either way, Hyejoo is a nice distraction. Jungeun is no longer thinking about what will happen when she gets on stage in front of the assembled crowd.

“Come on. We’re up after the next band.” 

Or not. The uncomfortable flipping in her stomach is coming back tenfold now.

“What? Why?” Jungeun rises slowly with the help of Jiwoo, her strong little hands pulling her from the chair. “I thought we were playing at ten.”

Hyejoo laughs, pulling out her phone. Jungeun is temporarily blinded by the bright light shoved at her face in such a dark venue, but when her vision clears she sees the time as clear as day. They’ve only got half an hour before they start now. Jungeun is ready to flee, truly, but she can’t do that to the others. Her days of running are over, especially now that her friends are counting on her.

“Oh.” Jungeun throws an arm over Jiwoo, leaning into the girl. Jiwoo takes the hint, dragging her foreword, even when Jungeun’s feet don’t wish to respond. “Right, let’s go then.”

She tosses a look behind her shoulder and past Jiwoo. The others are all piled together in the large corner booth. Vivi is the only one with a drink in front of her, the others stuck staring at the alcohol in awe or angrily glaring at the yellow ‘underage’ wristbands that they were required to put on before entering.

  
“Jungie.” Jiwoo tugs her. “You have to move your feet for me.”

Jungeun releases a noise of consent, dragging her legs with Jiwoo’s. “I’m trying.”

Hyejoo looks less confident now, looking her up and down in concern. Jungeun rolls her eyes at her, trying to play off her sudden lack of coordination. “Are you gonna make it? You know you need those legs to play. They don’t look like they’re working.”

“I’ve got this.” Jungeun slowly unlatches herself from Jiwoo, and although her knees continue to wobble, she’s able to make it backstage with Hyejoo. Not without throwing a heart Jiwoo’s way for her help though.

The other three are already preparing. Haseul is doing vocal warm ups that makes it sound like she’ll be doing an opera piece rather than a soft rock song. Sooyoung ignores all of them, strumming her guitar with her fingers, and Jungeun cringes when she realizes how much something like that would absolutely destroy  _ her _ fingertips. Jinsol has her eyes closed, hugging her bass close to her chest as she whispers under her breath.

She feels better now that she’s surrounded by the others. She’s still nervous, but her friends give her a sense of peace at the very least.

“You know, you must really mean a lot to Jiwoo.” Sooyoung is using that voice that she’s so fond of when teasing Jungeun. She’s expecting the worst to come out of her mouth. “Usually, she’s all over me before a performance- and why wouldn’t she? I’m super hot- but today she wanted to stay by your side so you didn’t pass out.”

“I’m not going to pass out.” Jungeun bites back. She’s not surprised that Jiwoo and Sooyoung have some sort of pre ritual fondling, but she feels honored, in a very uncomfortable way, that Jiwoo would choose to stick with her instead.

She ignores Sooyoung’s further provocations, wobbling her way over to her keyboard instead. She takes their lead, assessing her instrument and taking deep breaths to calm her nerves. It works, sort of.

Jinsol notices her still form and sends her a wink. Usually, that would make Jungeun blush, but the sincerity in her following smile does the opposite of making her heart skip. It calms her down properly enough for Jungeun’s legs to stop shaking. She mouths a silent thank you to the bass player, and Jinsol sends a thumbs up.

“You’ve got this.” Jungeun jumps at Haseul’s words, and she’s left wondering how many other people can frighten her today. She hadn’t even noticed the girl stopped her loud vocal practice. “The first show is the worst.”

Jungeun begins to retaliate, to tell her that she’s not worried in the slightest, even if they can all tell otherwise, but then she remembers what Jiwoo told her. Haseul has terrible social anxiety as well. She would know.

“I’m worried I’ll mess up.” Jungeun admits, although she’s a bit embarrassed to do so.

Haseul merely gives her a gentle, knowing smile. Times like this, she wonders if Haseul is even a real person. She’s far too patient to be anything other than an angel, really. “I messed up my first time.”

Jungeun blinks back her shock. “You did?”

A loud, embarrassed laugh slips past her lips. “Yeah. I forgot the words to the second half of the song, and I just ended up standing, looking like Yeojin when I asked her a math question she doesn’t get. It was terrible, and I honestly don’t even remember it.”

“This uh-” Jungeun coughs into her fist, hoping she doesn’t offend Haseul. “-this isn’t making me feel much better, Haseul.”

“I’m sorry.” Haseul shakes her head, seeming amused at herself. “It’s just… you’re not supposed to be amazing your first time on stage, so stop worrying.” 

And strangely enough, that’s what calms her down. Part of her wonders if she should be insulted by Haseul insinuating that she won’t do well tonight, but she knows in her heart that Haseul is probably correct.

After all, she does remember her very first piano recital, and she had cried afterwards because she had done so badly. She was only ten, and her mother had to hold her the entire ride home because she was afraid Jungeun might get sick from crying so hard. Her father had been disappointed, but he had said something similar.

_ ‘It'll be okay, Jungeun. You’re supposed to be good on the second try, not the first.’  _ He had told her that night, placing a rare kiss to her forehead. 

“Right.” Jungeun nods, feeling awfully nostalgic at the memory Haseul unintentionally brings back to her. “You’re right.”

  
  


```

It turns out, Haseul was  _ very  _ right. She wasn’t good, but Jungeun didn’t embarrass herself too badly since the others did their best to hide her misplaced note. Sooyoung had clapped her on the back as soon as they made it off stage and Hyejoo tugged her by the shoulders in excitement while Haseul and Jinsol watched on in amusement. It left her feeling warm despite tonight's failure.

When they made it to the booth occupied by their friends, they were met with loud cheers, mostly from Yeojin and Heejin. It was a nice feeling. Jiwoo had gone to one of her recitals once in middle school and screamed for her from the crowd when she had finished and everyone had looked at her strangely for being so loud, but no bats an eye at the yelling here. She likes it.

They stay for a while to watch the other bands perform, but once it hits midnight, Haseul declares the night over, urging Yeojin and Yerim to get some sleep before school the next day. Jungeun knows it’s probably a little irresponsible to have let them come, but she can’t deny that she’s glad they did.

The instruments get loaded into the trunk of Jungeun’s car and the bed of Jinsol’s truck. Jinsol drags the sisters into her truck and Jungeun pushes Yerim into the passenger seat of her car, promising to meet up at Haseul and Yeojin’s house while Sooyoung and Vivi get the others home.

Yerim is already falling asleep in the passenger seat, her forehead resting against the window. Jungeun makes sure to go a little slower than usual so as to not disturb her too much, but there’s still the occasional bump in the road that rattles her.

Jungeun doesn’t blame her. It’s been a long day for the two of them. 

She had initially wanted to skip the group therapy today, but she knew that Yerim would be upset with her if she did and mustered up the courage to get up and face Forehead anyways. Or Ms. Park as Yerim has informed her is actually the group therapy leader’s name. Jungeun would never have guessed, she looks more like a Lee.

Jinsol beats her there. She and Haseul are already unloading the instruments, and Jungeun imagines that Haseul has already sent Yeojin to bed. Yerim is snoring in the passenger seat by this point and Jungeun wonders if she could just carry her into the house instead of waking her up.

She opens the door, watching to see if the noise will wake Yerim up, but the girl pays no mind. Jungeun decides that she might as well try her best to get Yerim to Yeojin’s room without making her stumble her own way in and risking the wrath of Haseul’s parents.

Yerim isn’t heavy, she’s probably too light if anything, but Jungeun is also very small and carrying Yerim is a bit harder than she thought it would be. Still, she takes a deep breath and tightens her grip under her knees, Yerim’s head rolling into Jungeun’s neck.

She makes an attempt to make no noise, but the floor is squeakier than she remembers. She makes it to Yeojin’s dark room without waking the sister’s parents, but Yeojin startles awake at the creaking door.

“Sorry,” Jungeun whispers, making an effort not to step on the clothes on the ground. It’s a little hard to do without any light, but her eyes adjust soon enough.

Yeojin shoves her face back into her pillow, groaning. She’s still wearing the same clothes as before so Jungeun figures it’s fine to lay Yerim on the bed as well. She makes sure to pull Yerim’s shoes off, vaguely aware of the squeaking outside the door.

She catches sight of Jinsol sneaking by with Jungeun’s keyboard and assumes she’s already started unloading from Jungeun’s car as well. Haseul is shuffling by seconds later with Sooyoung’s guitar.

“Yeojin?” She busies herself with tugging the cover over Yerim. She hopes the younger can hear her over Yerim’s snores. “Do you need anything?”

Yeojin turns over, pulling Yerim closer. “No, thanks though.”

Jungeun smiles at the sight of tiny Yeojin curling into the older girl’s side, taking that as a sign to leave. “Okay. Night, Yeojin.”

“Mmm.” The small girl’s voice is muffled by Yerim’s shoulder, but she hears her next words as clear as day. “Love you, Jungeun.”

She stops short, hand on the door. Slowly, she turns around to make sure she’s the only Jungeun in the room. It’s only the three of them so Jungeun assumes that she is indeed the only Jungeun there.

“I… love you too.” Yeojin doesn’t hear, already drooling into Yerim’s shirt.

Jungeun stands there, watching, for longer than necessary, shaken by Yeojin’s nonchalant declaration. Yeojin is probably the one that she’s least close to in their group, and yet she’s making declarations like that to her.

Of course she loves Yeojin, loves all of them, but she hadn’t expected the words from the exhausted girl. She doesn’t even think she and Jiwoo have said those words to one another since they’ve rekindled their friendship.

Shaking off the confusing emotions swirling in her chest, she meets the older two in the hallway, Haseul giving her a short hug before heading in to check on Yeojin and Yerim despite Jungeun’s assurance that they’re fine; Haseul really is a good sister. Jinsol tugs her by the wrist, leading her back to the front door.

She watches in fascination as Jinsol pulls her keys out, using a dark green one to lock the front door of Haseul’s house. When Jinsol sees her awed expression, she shrugs. “Sooyoung and I have had one for years. Her’s is orange.”

Jiwoo’s parents barely trusted their own daughter with a key, she doubts they would have ever offered Jungeun one. “Oh, cool.”

Jinsol nudges her off the porch, following behind Jungeun to their vehicles. Jinsol walks her to her car, and Jungeun tries not to think about how she and Jinsol are now alone. She’s been succesfully coming to terms that she genuinely likes Jinsol ever since her talk with Jiwoo, but the girl looks prettier than usual under the glow of the moon and it’s not helping Jungeun’s dumb lesbian brain.

“Thank you.” Jungeun shyly tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, laying a hand on the door handle. “For walking me.”

Jinsol tilts her head, eyes lingering on the few pieces of hair that Jungeun has failed to move. For a moment, Jungeun hopes Jinsol will reach out and move them herself, but she should know by now that Jinsol is a gentlewoman, and instead of doing what Jungeun prays for, she leans back against Jungeun’s door.

“You’re welcome.” Jungeun releases the handle when she realizes Jinsol still wants to talk. “I’m proud of you for tonight.”

  
A self deprecating laugh slips past her lips. “I sucked.”

“We all sucked our first time one stage.” Jinsol scoots a little closer, jeans sliding across Jungeun’s car door. 

“Haseul said you guys did fi-”

“Haseul  _ somehow _ blacked out standing up during the second part of our song. I doubt she remembers us playing terribly out of sync behind her.” Jinsol raises an eyebrow, as if challenging Jungeun to doubt her. “Besides, Haseul is always too hard on herself and never hard enough on us.”

Jungeun shrugs because she knows it’s true. Haseul holds herself to a higher standard than the people around her. “But I still-”

“Got on stage and stuck it out? Yeah, you did.” Jinsol finally takes that leap Jungeun had wanted her to, pulling Jungeun’s hair back with her long fingers. She slides the tiny pieces behind her ear with ease, and Jungeun hopes she doesn’t notice the shiver that runs through her body is from the tickling sensation, but if Jinsol’s tiny smirk is anything to go off of, she thinks the older girl knows it wasn’t from the chilly night air.

“I did.” Jungeun gulps, a sudden thought coming to her brain. “Were you serious that day you texted me?”

Jinsol blinks. “I… text you a lot? Could you be more specific?”

Jungeun takes a deep breath, wondering if she should really ask. Is she really the only girl that Jinsol flirts with? 

“Jungeun?”

She chickens out. “Can I have a hug?”

Jinsol stares at her incredulously for a moment and then spits out a laugh. “Of course.”

Jungeun takes a tiny step forward, hesitating. Luckily, Jinsol is braver than her, pulling Jungeun in quickly. Jinsol wraps her hands around her torso, squeezing tight. Jungeun allows her head to rest on her shoulder as she lets her hands settle above Jinsol’s waist, trying to be respectful.

Jinsol’s hair smells a little like lemons and it’s enough to amuse Jungeun. Of course the girl’s lemon obsession would go past her fashion statements and into her hygiene. She hopes Jinsol won’t try to convince her to change her shampoo just because she accepted those lemon pants as a gift.

“I really am proud of you.” Jinsol rubs a hand up and down her back. “Not just for tonight. Yerim and Jiwoo have made it pretty clear that you don’t spend a lot of time with people anymore, but I’m glad you’re opening up to us. It’s good.”

Jungeun squeezes her, burrowing deeper into her neck. Jinsol puffs out a breath of air into her hair; Jungeun is sure she’s amused. “Thanks.”

Slowly, Jinsol releases her. “For the hug?”

Jungeun avoids her gaze. “All of it. I really… love all of you guys.”

Jinsol smiles brighter than she’s ever seen. “We love you too.”

She really is one of them now, isn’t she?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are keeping me strong during this quarantine


	4. Chapter 4

“Why am I here?” Sooyoung flips through the catalogs on her bed, slurping her soda through one of Jungeun’s many metal straws that she now owns in a terrible attempt at being more eco-friendly. 

It’s Yerim’s fault. Jungeun had only wanted to buy a couple to keep at home, but Yerim had accidentally bought thirty-seven, a strange amount to accidentally select, and now Jungeun has a spare drawer in her bedroom dedicated to them.

Jungeun shoves her over, making room for herself on her own bed. She smacks at Sooyoung’s hand, grabbing the magazine for herself. “Because I don’t know anything about cars. Or trucks. Or any type of vehicle.”

“Right.” She rolls her eyes. “That still doesn’t explain anything. You want help with your expensive ass car?”

“No.” Jungeun picks at her pants, the same pants Jinsol gifted her so long ago that match her own shorts. Jungeun has come to find that she genuinely loves them, even if Chaewon and Hyejoo make fun of them. “I want you to help me find something for Jinsol’s piece of junk.”

Sooyoung barks a laugh. “You’re so whipped for her, and you aren’t even dating!”

She doesn’t bother giving her a reply, shoving one of the many catalogs in her face. “Does she need this?”

Sooyoung squints at the object Jungeun is pointing at, blinking slowly. “That’s… an exhaust pipe. Do you not know what an exhaust pipe is?”

Jungeun slowly lowers the catalog, embarrassed by the baffled look Sooyoung gives her. “No?”

Sooyoung takes a deep breath, setting her soda can down on the ground. “Okay, listen. Before she bought that piano, she was talking to one of our old buddies from middle school. Jackson Wang is his name.”

Sooyoung scrolls through her phone while Jungeun peers over her shoulder curiously. Eventually, she stops on a contact, selecting the picture. A very handsome boy gives a thumbs up to the camera, various cars and trucks behind him in disarray.

“He dismantles used cars, sells the parts off. He was going to give Jinsol a big discount, let her buy parts from him whenever she had the money.” Sooyoung gives her a pointed look.

  
“So, I just need to talk to this Jackson guy?”

She nods. “Yeah. He’ll help as much as possible, but I don’t think you realize how expensive parts can be, Jungeun.”

Jungeun eyes the credit card laying on top of her dresser. “Money isn’t an issue.”

“To you.” Sooyoung follows her gaze. “Jinsol is weird about people getting her things sometimes.”

“Well, if she didn’t want me to do something nice for her, she shouldn’t have bought me that expensive keyboard.” Jungeun flips through more pages a little too forcefully, tearing one of them on accident.

“She didn’t buy it so you would-”

“I know!” She closes the book, afraid she’ll ruin it even more. “That’s _why_ I’m doing it. I just want to do something for her. She’s always doing something nice for me, and I’m not good at that. I’m not _sweet_ , but I want to try to be for her.”

Sooyoung blinks slowly at her. Jungeun feels a little uncomfortable with the way Sooyoung is watching her. She’s always been more suspicious of her than the others because of her past with Jiwoo, even if she didn’t outright say it when Jungeun first starting hanging out with them, and Jungeun can always feel the searching gaze of her best friend’s girlfriend when she does something Sooyoung doesn’t see coming. “You really like her, don’t you?”

Jungeun sighs. “Do you always have to tease me-”

  
“I’m not.” Sooyoung sits up properly, back straight. A big difference from her usual slouch. “I was trying to push you toward her because I thought it would help loosen the both of you up, but it’s getting serious now.”

She isn’t sure the best way to respond, and merely shrugs her shoulder. 

“Listen, Jungeun.” Sooyoung’s gaze is piercing, and for the first time ever, Jugneun finds herself truly fearing the presence of Ha Sooyoung. “Jinsol has been my friend forever. I don’t want you to bail on her once you realize you have better places to be or because your rich daddy doesn’t want you to be with her.”

Jungeun flinches back at the harsh accusations. Despite all the times she’s caught Sooyoung secretly watching her, as if waiting for her to mess up, she’d never have thought Sooyoung would accuse her of such things.

“What are you-” and it clicks, just like that. “-oh. Sooyoung, I’m not Jiwoo. Jinsol and I, we aren’t you and Jiwoo.”

She seems taken off guard. “I didn’t know- Jiwoo told you?”

“About the issues with her parents?.” Jungeun lets herself relax. “Yeah, she did.”

“Oh.” Sooyoung avoids her gaze, going back to her regular slouch. “Then you know how much that messed with our relationship then?”

Jungeun nods. “Yes, and I don’t want to do that to her. My dad and I barely talk anyways.“

There’s a pang of guilt that hits her at the admittance. Her father has been making an effort lately; making breakfast for two that Jungeun often skips out on, asking her to stop by his work, and sometimes even making an attempt to watch whatever tv show Yerim has recommended to her that week.

“Just…” Sooyoung scowls. “Be careful with her, okay? You come from two very different backgrounds, and if you don’t talk about what’s bothering you, you guys will fight and-”

  
“Sooyoung?” Jungeun grips her arm. “You just gotta trust us.”

She reaches out and squeezes Sooyoung’s hand, hoping to convey her thanks without having to verbalize it. She’s thankful that Sooyoung is looking out for them, if not just the slightest offended at her accusations still, but she knows that Sooyoung is just looking out for everyone. Her, Jinsol, and Haseul are annoying like that, alway watching out for the others in their own strange ways.

Her friend laughs, loud and incredulous. “Look at you, giving out advice. What happened to the weird little recluse Yerim brought home to us?”

Jungeun smacks her, rolling her eyes as dramatically as possible, just to annoy Sooyoung. “Don’t talk like I’m some sort of stray animal your child brought home. It wasn’t even _your_ home I was brought to, it was Haseul and Yeojin’s!”

Sooyoung snorts at her, and gives her that look that irritates Jungeun to no end, like she knows something that Jungeun doesn’t. “Home isn’t always a house dummy. Yerim brought you to _us_. They’re my home. Now, it’s your home too.”

She hates when Sooyoung is right about anything, but she really is correct in this case. Jungeun thinks about all the weird adventures she’s been on since she’s joined her little group, and wonders when exactly it became _home_ instead of _the people that make yerim happy._

Maybe it was somewhere in between that day she and Jinsol laid in the grass together while the sun warmed them and the time the group spent the night praising her for her musical prowess after her first performance. Or perhaps it happened somewhere in the middle of her and Yerim’s days sitting alone on her bed watching cartoons and the time Yeojin told her she loved her.

Jungeun doesn’t really know when it happened, but Sooyoung is right. They’re Jungeun’s home. Of course, she’ll never tell Sooyoung she’s right. They aren’t like that; she’s not going to cry into the older girl’s shoulder.

Instead, she punches her right in the thigh. “Stop being so fucking gross.”

“Ow! I’m telling Jiwoo you hit me!”

“ _I’m_ telling Jiwoo that you gave me the shovel talk!”

```

Jungeun drives out to the countryside alone to meet this friend of Sooyoung’s- and yes, she knows that isn’t the best idea. Serial killers do exist- but it’s a quick and easy enough drive. His little junkyard of vehicles is just a little past the only house she’s passed by since she’s turned off the highway. There are kids running around outside the large home, and Jungeun can only assume from the limited information Sooyoung gave that they’re Jackson’s family.

Jackson Wang is a strange boy, not at all what Jungeun was expecting. He’s much more charming than his grease stained tank top would imply, but just awkward enough for her to understand why he’s friends with someone like Jinsol.

He’s eager to do business with her, even more so when he finds out who exactly she’s here to buy for. “Jinsol, huh? Yeah, okay. She deserves a break. I’ll sell it as cheap as possible to you.”

Jungeun balks at the hand he offers, coupled with a wide, friendly grin. She gives him a gentle handshake, cheeks a bit warm from the contact. She’s certain if she weren’t infatuated with a certain lemon-loving dork, she would probably be swooning over this boy.

“You don’t have to go super cheap. I have the money.” Jungeun informs him once she lets go, following him across the tall grass and to the shed further away. 

She vaguely wonders when the last time was that anyone had mowed around here. She guesses they must not hire someone every week to do it like her father. She only recently realized that wasn’t something all families did when she caught Hyunjin mowing the lawn at Haseul’s house just because she wanted to help out with their chores.

“No way!” Jackson holds the shed door open for her, making sure to guide her across the random junk thrown across the floor. “A friend of Jinsol is a friend of mine, and friend’s get discounts.”

Jackson gives a dramatic wave to the car parts sitting atop a workbench. She wonders if he just keeps them there, or if he prepared them just for her when Sooyoung gave him a call to inform him of a potential customer.

“I went ahead and grabbed some of the parts that Jinsol and I talked about last time I saw her. Some miscellaneous things too that she mentioned she needed. What are you wanting to spend today?” He props up on his elbow, chin resting in the palm of his hand.

Jungeun glances over the wide assortment of parts. She doesn’t have a clue how much everything is, or what they do. She’s never even really changed the oil in her car before, couldn’t tell you how. “Could you… explain some of it to me?”

  
He blinks at her, seeming to understand her overwhelmed state. “Yeah, of course!”

Jackson is patient where Jungeun probably would have been irrationally irritated. It must be like teaching a kindergartener with how often Jungeun has to ask him to repeat things to her.

Some of it is little things that she needs inside the truck that Jinsol can actually identify, thank goodness. A new sun visor, a couple mats so she doesn’t drag dirt everywhere, and a few knobs for her broken radio. Jungeun knows for a fact she’ll be bringing those to the girl.

She takes notes on her phones as he explains, pitching in numbers as well when she asks for them. She knows that she can’t get everything today, not if she wants to use only her money. Her father probably wouldn’t care if she used his card, but Jungeun wants to use the money _she_ worked for. She doesn’t want to use someone else’s money on Jinsol.

“So? What do you think?” Jackson seems to be waiting for another question, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

 _He’s good at this,_ she realizes. Jackson Wang will go places in life with such a kind personality. “I think I know what I want now.”

She ignores the shocked look he gives when she makes a grab for the items she wants. It’s going to be expensive, but she’ll just help her father at his work to make up for whatever she can’t cover with her own money she’s saved up. She kind of regrets quitting her part time job at the moment.

“That’s um… That’s gonna be a little more than six hundred dollars, Jungeun.” Jackson scratches his head. “Are you sure you wanna-”  
“Yes.” She loads the cash app on her phone. “I’ll send it to you now if you want.”

Jackson sends her away with all the small things for the inside of Jinsol’s car and a few actual parts that must go under the hood of the truck. Jungeun is embarrassed to admit that she’s already forgotten the names of them, having deleted her notes as soon as she finished picking them out. She really does feel like an incompetent child when it comes to cars.

She makes sure to promise that she’ll come back to him once she needs more parts, ever so faithful to someone willing to help her out so much. She can tell the boy will have a bright future with the enthusiasm he has for cars and his patient kindness.

When she pulls into the driveway of her home, her father pulls up right behind her. She sits in her car for a few minutes, pretending to be busy so that she doesn’t have to make idle chit chat with him, but he stops at her door, knocking on the window.

She sighs, hitting the button to roll it down. Her father is smiling softly down at her. Jungeun feels guilty for trying to avoid him now.

“Hey. Where did you go this morning? I was hoping we could eat together.” His eyes are much more expressive than the rest of him. He’s like Jungeun in that way, and so she can see the hurt in them despite trying to hide behind his smile. “Want lunch?”

“Um, sorry. I was just-” She points a thumb toward the back seat. “Getting something.”

Panic swirls in her chest when he eyes the backseat, confusion taking over his previous hurt. “Did you need something for the car? I would have bought it for you.”

Jungeun taps the tips of her fingers against the steering wheel. “No, I just- I got it for a friend.”

He blinks down at her. “You… bought your friend parts for their car?”

“Truck, actually.”

“Right.” He shuffles around awkwardly. “Do you need to get it to them now?”

Jungeun shrugs. “I guess not.”

They’re terrible at talking to one another. She gets her awkwardness from him, and it shows in the way they silently avoid one another’s gaze. She misses her mother the most at times like this, always unsure how to keep a conversation going without her. She would have taken them both by the ear and shoved them inside the front door.

“Do you… want to eat with me then?” It’s only when he raises a plastic bag that Jungeun realizes he’s holding something. “I got fried chicken. And a movie too, if you want.”

She tightens her grip on the wheel. “What type of movie?”

He blinks slowly, probably expecting a blunt refusal from her instead of the question. “I got a romcom. I’m not really sure what it’s about, but I know you like them so…”

He’s trying, and Jungeun wonders when she stopped. Perhaps around the time she decided that the rest of the world was out to get her.

“Okay.” She takes her keys out, hand on the door handle. His feet remain rooted. “Dad, you’re gonna have to move if I’m gonna get out.”

He shakes the shock off his face, stepping back. “Sorry! Right, let’s… go. We haven’t watched a movie together since- well- I can’t remember.”

Jungeun can. They watched her mother’s favorite movie a couple months after she died, and neither of them could finish it all the way through. She had spent that night pretending not to hear her father’s sobs as she cried into her own pillow.

“It’s because you have terrible taste in movies,” She jokes. There’s no use in dragging the past back at the moment.

He lets loose a startled laugh, looking at her strangely, as if trying to figure out if she’s truly joking around with him. “Your mother told me the same thing. Maybe it’s time I find some better movies.” 

“I’ll show you some better ones.” Jungeun gives a tentative smile. “Next time, I’ll pick a couple _good_ movies.”

“Yeah.” He ruffled her hair, ignoring her protests. “Next time.”

  
  


```

Later, once they’ve cringed from secondhand embarrassment and cried a few tears, Jungeun finds herself having a genuine conversation with her father for the first time in… well, she can’t really remember.

“So this Jinsol-” He pauses dramatically. “-is she pretty?”

“Oh my God!” Jungeun rolls onto her stomach and pushes her face down into the couch cushion. Her face is probably as red as her father’s favorite chair that he’s currently perched in, grilling her for information on her new group of friends. “I’m not talking to you about girls.”

“Why not?”

“It’s weird!” Jungeun groans, but she’s secretly smiling into the couch. 

“It’s not weird!” She hears the recliner creak and mentally prepares herself for what’s coming next. It doesn’t take him long to scurry over to her and flop his entire body down onto her back. “Just tell me!”

“No, get off. You’re so annoying. And heavy” Jungeun makes an attempt to push up off the couch, but her father’s weight is far too much for her little body to lift. She’s getting really tired of being weaker than everyone around her.

He laughs at her as she continues to wiggle around. Eventually, she decides it’ll be easier to just give in and let the man child have his way.

“Fine! Yes, she’s pretty.” He finally gets off, laughing giddily when he realizes he’s broken her silence. “I’ll show you a picture, okay?”

And that’s how they end up with Jungeun’s head on his shoulder while he pats a steady rhythm on the knee that presses into his leg, showing off her friends. She feels like a little girl again, curled up next to her father like this.

He occasionally hums to confirm he’s listening as she tells him the stories behind each picture she scrolls to, making sure to tell her how happy he is to see her with Jiwoo once again when he first sees her bright grin take up her screen, and properly embarrasses her when pictures of her and Jinsol are shown.

It’s past midnight when they finally finish going through her phone, but neither care to move from the couch. Jungeun thinks tonight is a turning point in her life. She can just feel it, just as she had that first day she drove Yerim home. A new start for happiness.

“Hey, look at that.” Her father points to the window by the television. “Your mother loved them.”

A little, white pigeon sits at the window, pecking at the glass. It looks oddly familiar, but Jungeun feels crazy for thinking such a thought. All pigeons look the same, of course it looks familiar. Still, something pricks at the back of her mind.

“She did?” Jungeun doesn’t remember this particular fact about her mother.

Her father tilts his head, watching the bird intently. “Mhm. She said it’s because of what they represent. Something about love and peace. Acceptance, I think. _I_ thought it was silly- how does a bird represent love?- but she thought it was amazing, so I always pointed them out when I saw one. It made her smile.”

Jungeun can’t watch her father’s sad smile any longer, instead turning to the bird again. She can’t hear it of course, but she can imagine the tiny coo that’s probably coming from it. There’s something odd about it, something she can’t quite place.

“Dad?” Jungeun is still staring at the pigeon, but she can feel her father’s head turn toward her. “I miss her.”

Silence fills the room, even the pigeon stops it’s pecking for a moment, but then her father releases a long sigh. She can feel the tiredness in it. It’s not from a need for sleep, but the need for peace of mind.

“Me too, Jungeun. I miss her everyday.”

She chokes back a sob, caught off guard by the rush of emotions that fill her. She thought she was past the days of crying. “How do I stop?”

“Stop missing her?” Jungeun nods at his question, not trusting herself enough to not cry into his shoulder. “I don’t think we do.”

She doesn’t even bother holding back a sob this time, and for the first time since her mother died, she lets her father hold her. And he cries too.

It’s alarming to think about how much they’ve avoided each other over the last few years when they used to be so close, but she supposes that’s what happens when your life is flipped upside down. She pushed away things from when life was normal because she didn’t have a normal anymore. At least, that’s what all her therapists told her.

“I’m sorry.” He breathes out between his own sobs. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there enough.”

“It’s okay. You lost her too.” Jungeun isn’t angry anymore, and she doesn’t want him to feel guilty. It wasn’t his fault.

“I did, but that didn’t have to mean losing you, too.”

He holds her tighter, squeezing the air from her lungs with his grip, but she holds on just as tight. Part of her is afraid that if she does let him go, they’ll return to how things were before tonight. 

“You didn’t lose me.” Jungeun sniffles, ignoring the taste of salt on her lips. “I’m sorry I made it harder on you.”

“She would have kicked our asses for acting like idiots.” He chuckles into her hair.

Jungeun smiles. It’s a little sad, and more than a bit melancholy, but she thinks that maybe one day it won’t be like that. She’d like to think that one day she’ll be able to smile fondly when talking about her mother with her father.

She’s not quite there yet, but she will be. For now, she’ll accept that her old life isn’t over. She- They- will just pick up the pieces and move forward.

She peeks over her father’s shoulder at the window. The pigeon is gone.

  
  


```

“Just keep them closed, okay?” She takes Jinsol by the hands, dragging her toward her little car. She looks behind her to make sure she won’t trip as she leads Jinsol, managing to catch her father peeking out of the window blinds. She sends him a glare, scaring him away. “Okay. Ready?” 

“I guess?” Jinsol has a tiny, amused grin tugging at her lips, but keeps her eyes shut.

Jungeun drops her hands, positioning her by the back door. She’s nervous now, unsure of how Jinsol will take this. “Open your eyes.”

Jungeun opens the back door as soon as Jinsol’s eyes flutter open. She seems to be struggling from the bright sun overhead.

Jungeun steps aside and motions for her to look. Jinsol still seems amused at the entire situation, but does as she’s supposed to and pokes her head into the backseat of Jungeun’s car. She stops and stares for a moment, saying nothing.

Her nerves grow.

Finally, Jinsol pulls back, a gormless expression on her face. “Is this for me? For my truck?”

Jungeun responds back in the same low voice. “Yes.” 

She nervously grips the bottom of her shirt, unsure of what she should be doing with her hands. Jinsol opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. Her face is still blank so Jungeun has no idea if her gift is welcomed or not.

“I just wanted to do something nice for you. I went to your friend, Jackson, and he gave me a really good deal. I thought maybe we could fix it up together?” And Jungeun thinks _fuck it_. She might as well let it all out at this point because buying a girl a gift worth hundreds of dollars is practically a proposal anyways. “But I think I was hoping this might finally get you to kiss me. I’ve been waiting forever and I think Sooyoung is getting tired of me looking at- what?”

Jinsol closes the small gap between them, slowly wrapping her arms around her waist. Jungeun lets out an embarrassing croak as she tries to speak, but nothing comes out. At least, nothing intelligent leaves her mouth.

Her heart is practically beating out of her chest as Jinsol slowly leans in, stopping only an inch away. “Thank you, Jungeun.”

She doesn’t get to respond because Jinsol closes that last inch between them. Jungeun closes her eyes the second Jinsol’s lips touch her, gasping into her mouth.

It’s so much better than Jungeun could have predicted.

She’s entirely overwhelmed, but in a good way. Jinsol smells like lemons, but she tastes like watermelon. It’s strange, but she likes it. She especially likes it when Jinsol squeezes her waist and bites at her bottom lip.

Jungeun finally has to pull back for air, and realizes that she’s making out with Jung Jinsol in the middle of her driveway. She really doesn’t want to be the talk of the neighborhood, and regretfully decides that it’s not a good idea to go back for more.

“I guess I can buy you more car parts if that’s what I get,” Jungeun whispers, settling a hand below Jinsol’s neck.

It’s supposed to be a means to keep Jinsol from coming back for another kiss because Jungeun knows she wouldn’t be able to deny her if she tried, but it backfires when she realizes how attractive she suddenly finds her collarbone under her palm.

She wonders if that’s normal, to be attracted to a collarbone. Maybe it’s just a Jinsol thing. She likes a lot of Jinsol’s things.

That sounds weird, but it’s true.

Jinsol giggles, loosening her grip on Jungeun’s waist, but refusing to let go. “That wasn’t for the parts, but that _was_ very nice of you.”

“I know.” Jungeun swallows, not sure what to do with the intense gaze Jinsol has on her.

“Oh?” Jinsol raises a teasing brow. “You know you’re nice?”

Jungeun rolls her eyes, letting her hand fall now that she thinks Jinsol won’t attack her mouth again. “You’re annoying.”

“That’s not very nice.”

She pouts. “ _I’m_ not very nice.”

“I think you’re wonderful,” Jinsol admits with utmost sincerity.

Jungeun looks, finds the adoration in Jinsol’s eyes, and thinks maybe it might be worth it to go in for another kiss. And she does try, but Jinsol pulls away.

“Um-” She points to Jungeun’s house window. “-I think your dad is watching us.”

Jungeun thinks about all the bonding they did the other night, and contemplates letting it go, not murdering him, but then she thinks about how he just denied her another kiss from Jinsol.

“I’m going to kill him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We only have a couple more chapters left! 
> 
> I hope you guys are watching the Loona logs that the girls are doing. I'm upset that Kim Lip's was taken down, but at least we got another Jinsol log. Her editing is top tier.


	5. Chapter 5

“I can’t believe this.” 

“Stop talking.” Yerim scowls at her, pulling back the lipstick she had been attempting to apply to Jungeun’s lips. “I know, you’re excited for your first date, but please let me finish your makeup. “

Jungeun pouts, but does as she’s told. Jiwoo, who is sitting next to her in a pretty dress and finished makeup, bounces on Yerim’s big bed. She hadn’t been sure what to think about sharing a double date with Jiwoo and Sooyoung, but now she’s glad. It puts off a lot of pressure.

“And you-” Yerim points a finger in Jiwoo’s face. “-stop bouncing! I’m going to stick this up her nose on accident.”

Jiwoo is the one to pout now. It’s much more effective on her face. “Fine.”

Jungeun grabs her best friend’s hand, hoping to distract her. Not just for her own safety, but for Jiwoo’s too. Yerim might kill Jiwoo before their dates get here, and then Jungeun would have to deal with an upset Sooyoung.

Yerim and Jiwoo continue to chat while finishing Jungeun’s makeup. It’s a nice distraction from the thoughts swirling in her brain. She’s not exactly sure what they’re talking about at this point- upside down cupcakes?- but it’s not enough to keep her thoughts away from Jinsol.

She wonders if Jinsol will like how she looks. She’s not wearing a cute, little sundress like Jiwoo, that’s not really her. Jinsol has never had an issue with how she’s looked before though, so Jungeun figures it’s safe to assume that she’ll like her in a button up. 

Maybe she won’t though. Maybe she should have gone out of her comfort zone and found something girlier. Jinsol isn’t one to judge her friends for anything, but maybe she has more expectations for Jungeun now that they’re… whatever they are.

Are they girlfriends? They haven’t talked about it, but Jungeun thinks that they’re heading that way. If they weren’t, Jinsol never would have asked her out on a date in the first place, right? Jungeun feels so out of her element at the moment that she-

“Jungeun?” Yerim taps her forehead. “Anyone in there?”

Jiwoo is bouncing again at her side, watching her with excitement. Jungeun thinks it’s safe to assume that Yerim is finished now that she’s no longer threatening Jiwoo. “Are you ready?”

Before Jungeun can even respond, the doorbell rings. She’s not sure she’ll ever get over how long it takes for the bell to stop. Even Yerim seems embarrassed after the third round of dings. Maybe the amount of dings symbols how rich a family is or something. Yerim’s family is certainly well off.

Still, she’s glad they’ve decided to meet up at Yerim’s home instead of at hers or Jiwoo’s. Jiwoo’s parents are… something, and Jungeun’s father probably wouldn’t even leave them alone long enough for them to properly get ready.

“I’m re-”

The doorbell rings again, and Yerim gives a shriek, hands flapping in front of their faces. “They’re waiting!”

Jungeun tries to be annoyed when one of Yerim’s hands smack her in the jaw, but she can’t help but be endeared by her enthusiasm. She shares one last glance with Jiwoo as Yerim leads them downstairs, prattling on about being safe and calling her if they need anything. Jiwoo seems just as entertained as Jungeun.

“And if you need someone, call me- well, no. Don’t call me, I can’t drive. Call Vivi or Haseul. Or call me and I’ll call them.” Yerim smacks at Jiwoo’s hand when she attempts to open the door. “No, I’ll do it.”

Jungeun holds back a snort at the way Yerim takes a deep breath, settling her hand on the doorknob. It’s funny, the younger girl had just been scolding _her_ for being nervous for her own date, and here Yerim is, looking as if she might hyperventilate because her friends are leaving for a night out.

Yerim yanks open the door, and Sooyoung startles, hand outstretched like she was going to hit the doorbell once again. Jinsol’s head pokes around Sooyoung’s shoulder. Jungeun’s breath catches.

Her date smiles gently, eyes lighting up in a way Jungeun has never seen. She’s dressed in a pretty, blue dress, much tighter than the one Jiwoo is wearing. Jungeun vaguely registers the heat rushing to her cheek.

Sooyoung steps in, wasting no time to wrap around her girlfriend and ramble out as many compliments as her mouth will possibly allow. Jungeun is relieved to see that Sooyoung is dressed a bit more like her than Jinsol and Jiwoo. She thinks she would be a little embarrassed if she had been the only one not in a dress.

Jinso steps forward, albeit slower than Sooyoung had, shutting the door behind her. She blinks slowly, offering a hand. Jungeun takes it, swallowing hard at the contact.

“Hi.” Jinsol squeezes her fingers, looking shy. “You look nice.”

Jungeun looks down at her outfit, ignoring the other couple’s rambling. “You don’t think it’s too…”

Jinsol tugs her a bit closer, head tilting in confusion. “Too…”

She shrugs. “Masculine?”

Jinsol blows an amused snort. “I think this is a bit girlier than the usual clothes you run around in.”

“But-” Jungeun chokes on her words. “-it’s- I mean-”

“I like it, Jungeun.” Jinsol pulls her even closer, resting a hand on her hip. 

“Oh.” She releases an embarrassing whine, looking anywhere but Jinsol’s searching gaze. “Good.”

Someone smacks her from behind. When Jungeun twists around, ready to reprimand Sooyoung, it’s Yerim that’s glaring at her. The younger girl dips her head quite aggressively toward Jinsol. Jinsol seems to be waiting for something, anxiously shuffling. 

_Oh!_

“You look beautiful.” Jungeun breathes, honesty dripping from her words. She doesn’t think she’s ever met someone as pretty as Jinsol. “You usually do though.”

Jinsol laughs, smacking Jungeun’s shoulder with her free hand, looking utterly charmed. If Jungeun messes up the rest of the night, she knows that she’s at least made Jinsol smile like that.

“Okay, ladies.” Sooyoung gives a loud smack to Jungeun’s back, looking smug when Jungeun glares. “We have half an hour until our reservations, let’s go. I even cleaned up the old girl.”

“We’re taking your car?” Jungeun gapes in horror.

Sooyoung seems to find delight in her fear of her tiny terror of a vehicle. Jungeun truly wants to know what Jiwoo sees in the monster of a woman. 

Well, Jungeun knows exactly what Jiwoo sees in Sooyoung. Sooyoung is a good person, truly. Jungeun will never tell her that though.

“Come on.” Jinsol laces their fingers, a cheeky grin taking over. “If you’re that scared of Sooyoung’s car, I’ll hold your hand.”

“Oh, really?” Jungeun tightens her hold on her slender fingers. “In that case, I’m absolutely terrified.”

Jungeun follows the others, stopping to wave one last goodbye to Yerim. The younger girl is watching them, a strange, whimsical smile on her face. If Jungeun hadn’t witnessed her excitement all night, she’d have thought Yerim was sad.

“Thanks, sunshine. I appreciate everything.” She smiles bright, eagerly awaiting for Yerim to return it.

She does, but there’s something off about it. It lacks the usual joy, and her eyes don’t match the phony grin. “Of course. Text me tomorrow?”

Jungeun blinks, hand still on the handle, feet halfway out the door. “Are you okay?”

Yerim’s shoulder droops. “I’m fine.”

“You-”

  
“I’m okay.” Jungeun wants to argue that, but Yerim looks oddly determined. “Really, Jungeun. I’m okay. Go enjoy your date.”

She contemplates yelling for the others to go without her, but she has a feeling Yerim would be angry at her if she did that. Instead, she does the only thing she knows how when Yerim gets into these strange moods.

“Okay, call me if you need me.” Jungeun shuffles uncertainty in the doorframe. “I love you.”

Yerim gives a real smile this time. “I love you, too.”

  
  


````

  
  


“Hand me that?” Jungeun is grateful that Jinsol has just started pointing to tools now. She’s probably figured out that unless it is a hammer, Jungeun has no idea what the name of it is. “Thanks.”

Jungeun smiles, feeling accomplished. She doesn’t really do much to help Jinsol with her truck, instead spending a large amount of time with Jiwoo as the two watch her girlfriend (Yes, girlfriend. Jinsol finally popped the big question) and Sooyoung squabble over Jinsol’s truck.

“Do you even know what’s going on?” 

Jungeun screeches, holding a hand to her chest in an attempt to calm her heart from the marathon it’s currently running. Hyunjin has a way of scaring Jungeun in every physical, and sometimes mental, way possible.

She, to this day, still isn’t sure what Hyunjin meant that day she asked her to feel the ducks, but she is certainly curious. 

“No, not really.” Jungeun admits. “I’m just happy to be here with her.”

  
“Ew.” Hyunjin wrinkles her nose. “We have too many gross couples now.”

Heejin, like the hero she is, swoops in and tugs her best friend away by the waist. She sends Jungeun a smile, as if to apologize for Hyunjin’s weirdness. It’s not really necessary; she adores Hyunjin’s strange antics.

Jiwoo nudges her side, eyes still on Sooyoung as she wipes her hands down on a rag. “We’ve really got front row seats to the best show in town.”

Jungeun ignores the regular squabbling coming from the others in Haseul’s front lawn, instead watching the way Jinsol frowns at whatever it is she and Sooyoung are working on under the hood of the truck. No one should be allowed to be that attractive while frowning, covered in grime. Jungeun didn’t even realize that there was that much… liquid… in a truck.

“Do you know what they’re talking about?” Jungeun tries to decipher their conversation, but the two may as well be speaking a forighn language at this point.

Jiwoo’s brow furrows, her thinking face on. “Um… no?”

She snorts, bumping Jiwoo away when Jinsol points to another tool at their feet. “Excuse me, my queen awaits.”

Sooyoung points a finger towards her mouth and fakes a gag; Jiwoo silences her. Jinsol must like the term of endearment because she blushes a light pink. Jungeun feels accomplished, even if it’s more material for Sooyoung to hold over her head with later.

Jungeun, not-so-subtly, pushes Sooyoung away, leaning against Jinsol’s side. Sooyoung takes the hint and drags Jiwoo away toward the rest of the peanut gallery they call their friends. Jiwoo goes without complaint.

“Trying to get me alone?” Jinsol refuses to acknowledge the way Jungeun is trying to wrap around her. 

It drives Jungeun mad. “Maybe. It’s only a matter of time before Hyejoo and Chae come find us.”

Jinsol finally relents, only stopping to dry her hands before wrapping her long arms around Jungeun’s waist. Jungeun doesn’t take long to settle her head onto her shoulder. It’s quickly becoming her favorite spot to relax after a long day. The feel of Jinsol around her and the smell of her shampoo leaves Jungeun more relaxed than a bubble bath could ever dream of.

“They _do_ have an unnatural obsession with interrupting happy moments.” Jinsol starts swaying them from side to side. She does it a lot when she’s holding Jungeun, but she hasn’t figured out if it’s a subconscious action or not yet.

“I think it’s the only thing that makes Hyejoo feel joy.”

Jinsol smacks her back. “Leave my babies alone.”

“Since when do you claim them?”

Jinsol giggles into her temple. “Well, it’s up to us to take care of the younger ones.”

  
“I can’t believe this. Yerim is obviously the better choice of a child.” Jungeun feels herself deflate when Yerim’s name comes out of her mouth.

Her girlfriend must notice the change in her demeanor because the swaying stops, and Jinsol pulls back a bit, just enough to look her in the eye. “What’s wrong?”

Jungeun shrugs, not sure how to approach the subject on her mind. She doesn’t think the others will ever really understand her and Yerim’s relationship or the way their minds just understand one another, but this is Jinsol. Even if she doesn’t get it, she’ll make an attempt to understand.

“Yerim is-” Jungeun glances out at the crowd of girls in Haseul’s yard. They’re missing their resident sunshine, and while there’s an obvious lack of cheer, it’s obvious by Yeojin’s lost look that she is feeling Yerim’s absence the most. “-not okay.”

Jinsol releases her, only to run her hands up and down her arms in a means of comfort. “What does that mean exactly? Do you know why she didn’t come today?”

She shakes her head, leaning back against the front of Jinsol’s truck. “No, I’m not really sure what’s up with her, but I noticed it the night of our first date last week.”

Jinsol frowns in such a way that the little scar on her forehead sticks out. Jungeun might gush over how cute it looks if she weren’t so worried about Yerim at the moment. “Have you talked to her about it?”

Jungeun shrugs, trying to keep the guilt building in her stomach down. “I’ve tried, but I know better than to push too much.”

  
“Because she’ll shut you out.” Jinsol eyes her with a knowing glint. “Sounds like someone else we know.”

She playfully scoffs, but doesn’t deny the implication. “Exactly, and I know if she feels like she doesn’t have anyone to talk to then she’ll just drown herself in her thoughts. It is _not_ fun. Trust me.”

Jinsol nods along to her words, but stops rather abruptly. “Do you… Has she told you about why she goes every Sunday?”

Jungeun is vaguely aware of Yerim’s reasons for being there. She never shares a why or how or when, but Jungeun knows that it’s because her grandmother passed. Yerim has always been ready to tell a happy memory or talk about smells, sounds, and tastes that remind her of the woman.

“Her grandmother? Yeah, she talks about her to the group a lot.”

Jinsol hums. “I’m sure that’s what it’s about. She doesn’t really talk when she’s sad. Yerim will always pretend to be happy first. I don’t think it’s very healthy.”

Jungeun remembers Jinsol telling her she wasn’t very good at talking to Yerim about things like this. She sees that. Jinsol is a lot better at being a silently supportive friend, not always the best at talking someone through something. 

Jinsol seems to think it’s a bad thing, but it’s one of the things Jungeun loves the most about her, and if she knows anything about Yerim, it’s probably her younger friend’s favorite thing about Jinsol too. 

“Maybe you can help when she’s ready?” Jinsol isn’t just making a suggestion, she’s pleading with Jungeun.

She nods. “I’ll try.”

  
  
  


````

“Hey, I brought lunch.” Jungeun tosses the brown bag onto her father’s desk.

He raises a hand, pointing to the phone that was previously hidden between his big head and shoulder. Jungeun blinks, offering an apologetic grimace before backing out of the room. She can come back in a few minutes.

The building is still the same as always. Interns running around with cups of coffee for some of the more annoying employees, straggling artists left with no energy after spending the day recording in the booth, and far too many angry old men complaining about the lack of taste the younger generation have in music. 

Jungeun can’t help but feel a bit nostalgic. She hasn’t come in here in a long time honestly, but she misses it. It reminds her of when she was younger, when her father was more strict, only to be put in his place when her mother would get annoyed with the strictness. They always made such a strange duo, but he seems to have decided to try and take a few lessons from her way of parenting nowadays.

She walks aimlessly, not necessarily trying to listen in on conversations, but there’s not really any way for her to ignore some of them when they get so loud. That reason alone is what has her stopping in front of one of the younger interns.

“And now I won’t have money for rent. I just can’t find anyone to fix my car without having to pay an arm and a leg.”

Jungeun comes to a full stop in front of them. They notice immediately, and Jungeun has to push down the need to cringe when she realizes how awkward such an action is, but she fights back making a face to force herself into their conversation.

“You need someone to look at your car?” Jungeun pretends that they’re not looking at her like she’s a creep for listening in on them. “I know a guy.”

Just like that, the scandalized gaze turns into one of surprise. “How much would he make me pay?”

Jungeun shrugs. “I don’t really know anything about cars or car prices, sorry, but he’s a really good guy. Just explain the situation to him and I’m sure he’ll give you a good deal..”

The intern gives a joyous laugh as Jungeun gives him the number, thanking her profusely. Thankfully, he doesn’t bring up how Jungeun was absolutely listening to his conversation and calls Jackson immediately. 

She can practically feel the relief coming off of him the longer he speaks with Jackson on the phone. She’s glad to help, even if it’s just by getting Jackson one more happy customer. The guy deserves it after everything he’s done for Jungeun and Jinsol, and Jinsol’s dumb truck that she loves so much.

“Hey.” She taps him on the shoulder once he’s finished his call. “Just make sure you pass around his name to your friends, okay? Jackson needs some more clients.”

He agrees easily enough, but she leaves soon after, allowing him to squeal to the other interns that still seem weirded out by her eavesdropping.

Jungeun heads back to her father’s office, finding him already munching on the sandwich she’d brought him. He greets her with a mouthful of bread and various lunch meats. It’s disgusting, but reminds her a little of Jiwoo when she gets overly excited to see her while eating.

“You’ve got a little something there.” Jungeun points to his chin where the yellow sauce sits. He swallows, wincing a little. She wonders if he’ll ever learn to finish chewing before he tries to swallow, but it’s a habit that’s followed him her entire life so she doubts it. 

“Oops.” He wipes the mustard away with his thumb. “Thanks.”

Jungeun fishes out her own sandwich, letting a relaxing silence settle over them. They finish their lunch with no rush, simply enjoying each other’s company.

“So.” Her father drums his fingers across the desk once they’ve finally finished devouring their food. “What brings you to my humble little office?”

Jungeun snorts, looking around the room. “Little is right.”

It had seemed larger when she was little, but so had the entire world. Now her entire world fits into one city. She almost cringes at herself for such a mushy thought, but it’s true. All the people she loves are here.

“Hey.” He frowns. “It’s not little.”

  
Jungeun doesn’t offer a response to that, instead changing the subject to the real reason that she’s there. “Are you working next Friday?”

He blinks. “I might be, but I can always request off?”

Jungeun hums, twisting around in her swivel chair. “Oh, well you don’t have to. I just have this thing with the band and-”

  
“I’ll make the request off.” He reaches over and grabs the chair arm, stopping her in place. “You are inviting me to come see you guys, right?”

Jungeun nods, suddenly remembering the first time she had told her father about one of her piano recitals when she was small and could barely fit into the same chair she’s in now. He’s just as excited now, but a lot less intense. “Yeah, if you want.”

“I’d love to.” He settles back into his seat. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you perform.”

She nods. “Yeah. It- uh- it’s fun again. Playing, I mean.”

He smiles, and it’s a little sad. “Good.”

  
  


````

Jungeun lays in bed alone, hands on her chest. She’s been counting the beating of her heart for the past thirty minutes, and not once has it slowed into a steady rhythm for more than a minute. She idly wonders if it would slow if she would stop counting, but her brain won’t let her stop.

She hates it.

The clocks on her wall sometimes messes her counting up and she has to start over, but Jungeun reminds herself to just breathe and not cry about it. She feels like a failure every single time she can’t keep up with the beats.

“Hey.” Jungeun startles at the voice. Jinsol smiles at her from the doorway, just the slightest hint of worry in the wobble of her lips. “You okay?”

Jungeun feels guilty for the irritation that flares inside of her. “I’m fine.”

She closes her eyes and starts over. She’s lost count once again.

“Can I sit with you?”

Jungeun concentrates on the beats, barely managing a nod. It takes a few minutes, but she feels the bed dip by her side, and a hand rest against her stomach. Jinsol’s hair tickles her shoulder a moment later, and Jungeun has a feeling that if she were to open her eyes and look to her right, Jinsol would be staring right at her with those imploring eyes of hers, but Jungeun doesn’t open her eyes. She keeps counting.

“Bad day?” Jungeun nearly groans, losing count once again because her heart speeds up at Jinsol’s voice. “What are you doing?”

She opens her eyes, and just like she had predicted, Jinsol is watching her. The worry is more open now, no longer hidden behind a smile. “I’m counting my heartbeat.”

Jinsol’s brow furrows. “Why?”

Jungeun takes a deep breath. “It helps sometimes. If I count then I don’t think as much.”

“Oh.” Jinsol doesn’t look like she gets it, but she nods anyways. “Do I need to leave then?”

Jungeun does groan this time. “No, sorry. I just- it’s one of those things. I’m not trying to ignore anyone, I just-”

“I know.” Jinsol squeezes her side. “You don’t have to explain. I know.”

She swallows, hard enough that Jinsol probably hears. “Can you stay?”

Her girlfriend smiles gently. “Of course I can. Do you need something else to count? You’re probably getting bored, right?”

Jungeun wants to snort, but holds back. “What else should I count then?”

Jinsol’s face blanks, but then her eyes light up like she has a genius plan. She watches as Jinsol adjusts herself on the bed before taking Jungeun’s hand and placing it on her chest. Jungeun’s thoughts turn less than friendly real quick, but when she realizes exactly what Jinsol is doing, she feels like she might just cry at how thoughtful her girlfriend is.

“You can count mine.” Jinsol says simply, like she’s not offering up a part of herself for Jungeun. “I don’t mind.”

Jungeun licks her lips, trying to find any sort of words that might convey a proper way to thank her, but nothing comes out, for Jungeun doesn’t know anything that could show Jinsol how much she adores her. 

She closes her eyes and counts, thumb rubbing a gentle pattern into Jinsol’s skin. The heartbeat picks up at the movement.

“It’s going fast.” Jungeun whispers out into the air, not brave enough to look at Jinsol after what she’s offered to her tonight.

“Yeah,” Jinsol mutters. “It does that sometimes when you’re around.”

_Mine too,_ Jungeun wants to say.

  
  


```

Yerim calls her on a stormy night, crying into her phone. Jungeun can’t understand a single thing she’s saying over all the blubbering, but she still keeps her on speaker as she piles into her car and drives in the pouring rain.

When she pulls into her driveway, she finds that there aren’t any other vehicles and assumes Yerim must have been home alone all night. 

She tells Yerim over and over into the phone that she’s there, but it takes five rings to the obnoxiously long doorbell for Yerim to finally let her in and Jungeun is soaked from standing in the rain. She barely makes it inside the door before Yerim is clinging to her, completely ignoring Jungeun’s wet clothes as she buries her nose into her neck. 

Jungeun holds tight, even when Yerim takes both of them down to the ground with her weight as she falls. The air conditioner is on and chills Jungeun down to her bones, but the warm tears Yerim cries into her skin is enough to keep her from caring about the way she’s shivering.

She wants more than anything to be able to stop the wailing coming from the girl that Jungeun has come to love so much, but she knows better than most that sometimes crying is the only way to heal yourself, but unlike her, she’ll make sure Yerim has someone to hold her the entire time.

There’s a faint noise from somewhere upstairs, the television maybe. It grounds Jungeun when Yerim eventually runs out of tears to cry and refuses to uncurl herself from their spot on the ground. She’s not entirely sure how long they sit there after Yerim finishes crying, but Jungeun knows that it’s long enough for two sets of commercials to pass by.

“You’re freezing.” Yerim mumbles, hands clenching the wet fabric. 

Jungeun squeezes her. “I’m okay.”

Yerim pulls away, bloodshot eyes staring back at her. “No. You need a hot shower.”

She tries to argue, but Yerim weakly pulls them up. Her tight grip never leaves while she drags them both upstairs, only releasing her to find spare clothes. Jungeun vaguely notes that the noise was indeed coming from Yerim’s tv.

“Here.” Her voice sounds raw. Jungeun wonders how long she’ll be hoarse like that. “Take a shower, please. I don’t want you to die from the cold.”

Jungeun takes the outfit, a set of sleep clothes, telling the girl to sit tight while she jumps into the shower. She can’t hear anything under the spray of the water, but she’s positive that there’s nothing left for Yerim to cry out.

She barely takes the time to dry, skin still damp when she stumbles out of the bathroom. Yerim is sitting on her bed, legs dangling off the side, not quite touching the floor. Usually she would be kicking her legs around in the air, but there seems to be no energy in the girl.

Instead, Yerim watches the floor, body still. She’s not necessarily glaring, expression too blank for it to be so. Her eyes hold little emotion, but there’s something there, just the slightest hint of sadness still.

“Hey.” Jungeun knows Yerim won’t want her to approach her with caution. “Wanna talk about that thing that just happened? Or are we gonna binge watch that weird bear show.”

Yerim cracks a hollow smile. “You don’t think it’s weird.”

“Oh no. I do.” Jungeun shrugs, falling into Yerim’s side. “Doesn’t mean it’s not good.”

Yerim hums, leaning into her. Jungeun lets her sit until she’s ready. She can wait however long Yerim needs because she can just feel it. Tonight is the night Yerim finally let’s it all out. 

She contemplates calling Jinsol just to have someone tell her that she’s not doing this wrong. She just desperately wants Yerim to be happy again because she’s been here before and it’s not fun. Jungeun decides against it in the end, content with just letting Yerim set the pace as she listens to whatever is happening on the television.

“Can you grab my hoodie?” Yerim croaks out. It startles her. “It's hanging in the closet.”

Jungeun does as she’s told in silence. She pushes through the clothes, noticing quite a few of Yeojin’s shirts mixed in, until she finally finds Yerim’s old hoodie that she drags around everywhere. 

Yerim wastes no time pulling it over her head, breathing into the fabric. “It still smells like her perfume.”

Jungeun doesn’t sit again, merely stands there, watching her. Waiting.

“My grandma died. That’s why I go to group therapy.” Jungeun knew that. “She’s the only person I’ve ever told.”

Jungeun takes a step forward, hand instinctively reaching out to brush the hair away from Yerim’s face. Yerim sniffles, leaning into the touch. “Told what?”

“That I like Yeojin.” Jungeun blinks, hand stilling. She hadn’t expected that, and Yerim seems to realize how shocked she is because she gives a bitter smile. 

“You like Yeojin?” 

Yerim nods slowly, watching her for a response. “Do you think I’m gross now?”

Jungeun reels back, flabbergasted by the suggestion that she might ever be disgusted by Yerim. “What? Of course not. Yerim, I’m literally dating a girl. Why wou-”

  
“She loved me more than anyone else.”

“Yeojin?” Jungeun is more confused by the moment.

“No.” Yerim laughs, a bit hollow sounding. She pats the bed and Jungeun complies, settling next to her. “My grandmother. She loved me so much. She took care of me when my parents couldn’t, you know?”

Jungeun nods, if only to show Yerim that she’s listening.

“She was the first one to know I liked girls. She didn’t like it very much, I could tell, but she tried to understand. I think.” Yerim pauses. Jungeun wants to ask questions, but she looks deep in thought. “But one day I told her I had a crush on Yeojin. She told me it was disgusting.”

Jungeun feels a deep anger rise in her chest, but remains silent so Yerim can continue.

“She told me it was wrong of me, that I was taking advantage of Yeojin’s friendship.” She sniffles again, her voice cracking. “And th- and that I shouldn’t sleep in the same bed as her or let her change clothes around me because I was going to-”

She can’t finish, a cry cutting her off. There’s no tears, Jungeun thinks there must not be a single ounce of water left in the poor girl’s body.

“Hey, look at me.” Jungeun gently turns Yerim toward her. Yerim meets her gaze uneasily. “You would never do anything like that. You would never take advantage of Yeojin like that.”

“But I have!” Yerim tries to yell, but it comes out a whimper. “I don’t mean to, but I’ve had to make myself stop looking when we go swimming or look away when she takes her shirt off because I had been staring and-”

“Yerim.” Jungeun forces herself to stay calm. There’s a fire in her chest burning brighter the more she understands the type of fear Yerim’s grandmother has instilled into her. “That’s perfectly normal. That’s just what happens when you’re attracted to someone. You want to look and explore and- and it’s okay. You can’t always help what your body does on instinct.”

Yerim searches her face. Jungeun isn’t entirely sure what she’s looking for. “But-”

“No.” She sighs. “None of that, Yerim. You have in no way taken advantage of Yeojin by trying your very best to be respectful toward her.”

Yerim nods, very slowly. “I know that, kind of. I mean… I’ve been trying to convince myself that, but it’s nice to hear someone else say it.”

There’s an awkward lull, Yerim avoiding eye contact, like she’s ashamed of all the things that she’s just shared with her. Jungeun wishes there was a guidebook to dealing with things like this.

“Is… is that why you still go to therapy then? Because of this secret? Or?”

“Um- sort of. It’s just-” Yerim finds a spot on the floor to glue her eyes to, refusing to meet her gaze. “I loved her, my grandma, more than anything, but she didn’t like me. What I was. Who I was. Am. That hurts a lot. I guess- I just thought it would be good to share the good memories so I didn't have to think about…”

Jungeun hums, hoping to show that she understands. “And the hoodie?”

Yerim finally lifts her gaze, meeting Jungeun’s stare. “It's a reminder. To stay away from Yeojin like that.” Yerim frowns. “It doesn’t work very often though. It hurts being away from her.”

Jungeun can understand that. It hurts being away from Jinsol sometimes, but at least she actually has the option of telling her that. Yerim must hold it all in. It would drive Jungeun mad.“I don’t think that’s a good thing.”

Yerim laughs. It sounds a little more normal. “Yeah, I don’t think so either, but if I wear it then I think about what she would say to me, and I don’t look at Yeojin as much.”

“I don’t think Yeojin would mind too much. It might actually inflate her already entirely too large ego.”

She snorts loudly and Jungeun applauds herself for getting Yerim to come back to her usual self a little more. “Maybe.”

“Look, Yerim.” Jungeun sighs. “I know you loved her, still love her, but she was wrong. You shouldn’t hold your feelings in like that, okay? Anyone would be lucky to have you love them the way you love Yeojin-” Yerim seems to choke at the word love. Maybe Jungeun should have been more subtle with that. “-so maybe it’s time to let that hoodie go.”

It’s not that easy, Jungeun knows. Yerim won’t ever be able to forget, but maybe Jungeun can help her grow.

Yerim blinks at her, gripping the strings on her hoodie. “Let it- let it go?”

Jungeun fights the irritating urge to sing, genuinely irritated at Jiwoo’s constant need to make Jungeun watch disney movies at the moment. “Yes, I think it hurts you. I don’t want you to hurt, Yerim.”

She seems to think it over, a distressed look on her face. “I’ve just never- I take it everywhere.”

“I know.” Jungeun thinks about all the times she’s seen Yerim with it, and suddenly realizes how often the clothing sticks to her side when she’s at Haseul and Yeojin’s home. “But maybe it’s time to stop using it as a shield to keep your emotions away from Yeojin.”

Yerim shrugs, and Jungeun can almost feel Yerim shut down with that comment. Jungeun tries a few more times to get an answer out of her, but Yerim seems insistent that they drop it. Instead, she puts on the bear show and drags Jungeun under the covers with her.

Jungeun ends up with Yerim under her chin, feeling like a mother taking care of their child after a breakup, which doesn’t make any sense because she’s only a little older than Yerim and Yerim hasn’t even dated anyone in her life to her knowledge.

Sometime after their third episode, when Yerim is obviously on the brink of sleep, she whispers into the air, “Maybe you’re right.”

Jungeun counts it as a step in the right direction.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left and we're done, but I'm thinking about writing a one shot from Yerim's perspective if you guys would be interested.


	6. Chapter 6

Jungeun feels strange in this moment. There’s music blaring from Jinsol’s truck, and the owner of said truck is dragging a barrel toward her and Yerim. They probably look sketchy to anyone that would see them, but really, who’s going to pay attention to three girls underneath an overpass.

It had been Yerim’s idea to pull over, and although Jinsol looked confused, she hadn’t fought her. The moment Yerim pulled her hoodie out from her bag and asked for a match, she understood where it was going. Luckily for them, Jinsol keeps a spare box of matches in her glove box for emergencies.

She won’t disclose what types of emergencies though, and now Jungeun is trying to figure out if her girlfriend has an arson problem that she hasn’t told any of them about yet. She doubts that, but if she _does_ happen to have such a problem, Jungeun might just make a subtle suggestion to burn down Sooyoung’s car.

“This is safe, right?” Yerim asks her. The sun is in her eyes and not even the hand she sticks out is enough to block it. Jungeun can tell she’s growing frustrated with the lack of shade, but it _was_ Yerim’s decision to dramatically burn her hoodie in the middle of nowhere.

Jungeun shrugs. “Sure, I see people do it all the time.” In television shows that is. Jungeun doesn't tell her that though.

“What exactly is it that we’re even doing?” Jinsol grunts out, pulling the barrel closer. She drops it in the middle of them once she’s close enough.

Yerim takes a deep breath, fingers gripping the fabric in her hands tightly. “Something I should have done a long time ago.”

Jinsol blinks, casting a confused look over to Jungeun. She knows that her girlfriend just wants to know if their favorite person is losing her mind. Jungeun sends a smile, hoping to silently inform her that Yerim is not losing her marbles. 

Jinsol narrows her eyes at Jungeun, probably just wondering if they’ve _both_ lost their minds at this point. “Okay…”

Jinsol pats the empty barrel, frowning at her truck when one of Jungeun’s favorite indie songs comes across the radio. Jinsol hates this song in particular, not because it’s a bad song, but because Jungeun has played it on repeat for the past two weeks. She probably thought she’d be escaping it today with just the local radio station playing, but it just goes to show that the radio man has taste.

It gives her a more melancholic mood as she watches Jinsol’s eyes widen when Yerim drops her hoodie into the barrel and lights a match. Yerim hesitates for a moment, catching Jungeun’s gaze. Jungeun nods at her, and Yerim’s eyes harden with a new resolve.

She throws the match in, and the hoodie burns.

Jinsol is still terribly confused, but when Yerim takes both their hands and lets out a dry sob of relief, her confusion turns into worry. “Hey, are you okay?”

Yerim laughs, squeezing their hands. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

Jungeun is proud of her.

  
  


```

  
  


She ignores the laughing in the kitchen, very aware that it’s probably at her expense. Her father has been showing Jinsol her baby pictures for the last ten minutes now, and she’s not ready to face her girlfriend now that she’s probably seen the picture of her and Jiwoo in their horrid Halloween costumes they attempted to make for each other in middle school.

She does her own search for pictures instead, fondly scoffing at the loud chuckles downstairs; her father and Jinsol are getting along a little _too_ well. It doesn’t take her long to find what she’s looking for, and she decides that it’s best to interrupt them before they get to the bubble bath pictures. She would rather Jinsol not stare at her bare baby bottom.

They’re exactly where she left them, hunched over the kitchen table. They don’t notice her at first, so Jungeun makes her entrance known by dropping the large book of memories down in front of her.

Her father seems startled by the new book, sending her a questioning gaze, but Jinsol is excited at the sight of what could be more embarrassing pictures of Jungeun.

“I don’t let people see this one very often.” Jungeun drags a chair over, sitting down with more nerves than usual. “You should feel very honored, Jinsol.”

Her father excuses himself when their eyes meet. It hadn’t been her intention to run him off, but she’s glad for it. It’ll make her much less nervous.

“I _do_ feel very honored.“ Jinsol presses a quick kiss to her cheek. “Are you going to show me naked bath pictures?”

“Not exactly.” Jungeun ignores the curious look she gets. “This is a little more important.”

She takes a moment to run her fingers across the top of the picture book, not quite sure if she’s ready to open it. It’s been a long time since anyone has looked through it, but Jungeun thinks it’s silly to make so many memories just to forget about them. It’s time to share them with other people.

“This-” Jungeun flips to the first page, taking in Jinsol’s soft gasp. “-is my mother.”

Jinsol sticks a hand out, her thumb caressing the first photo of tiny, five year old Jungeun with her mother. “You look just like her.”

Jungeun hums, admiring the memories that she typically keeps locked away. She _does_ look like her mother. Jiwoo has been telling her that since she first met the woman. Jiwoo had always found it funny because she herself looks like her father.

“Yeah.” Jungeun leans into Jinsol’s reassuring touch instinctively. “People tell me that a lot.”

Jinsol rubs a gentle pattern at the nape of her neck, eyes never leaving the pages. Jungeun tries to patiently turn each page, but she finds herself flipping faster, eager to see her mother’s face in a new frame. She’s seen them all of course, had lived most of them, but this is the first time since she’s passed that she’s allowed herself to look at them without wanting to cry. Now there’s merely a dull, faded pain in her chest.

“I really wish you could’ve met her.” Jungeun hates that her mother will never meet Jinsol. “She would have loved you.”

There’s a sniffle, and surprisingly enough, it doesn’t come from Jungeun. 

“I would have loved to meet her too.” Jinsol wipes away the tears on her own cheeks with the back of her hand. Jungeun hadn’t even realized she was crying. “She seemed wonderful. Just like you.”

She should probably feel sad at this moment, but she’s not. How can she be when she’s sitting with this perfect girl, and her father not far away, probably listening in just in case she needs him, happier than she’s been in such a long time?

A slow smile works its way to Jungeun’s lips as she pulls Jinsol into a kiss. She tastes of salt from the tears that she didn’t catch. “I love you.”

Jinsol blinks, an incredulous laugh slipping past her lips. “I love you too.”

Jungeun wonders, not for the first time, when she stopped hurting so much. Maybe it started that day with Yerim, or the time they made her draw an owl on the basement wall. All she knows for sure is that when she looks back, this will probably be the moment she remembers the pain ending.

  
  


```

**_Jiwooming:_ **Sooyoung wants you to have lunch with us!!!

**_Jungie:_ **I’m not getting in her nasty car.

**_Jiwooming:_ **Is that a yes?? :D

**_Jungie:_ **Yes.

  
  


```

**_Jungeun Owl:_ **Do you wanna go feel the ducks?

**_Furry:_ **yes

  
  


```

**_Lemon Shorts <3: _ **i miss you

**_Future Wifey <3: _ **I literally spent the entire day with you.

**_Lemon Shorts <3: _ **so :(

  
  


**_```_ **

**_Hot Topic:_ **Can you help me pick out a present for my mom’s birthday?

**_Jungeun:_ **Give her one of the souls you’ve stolen from a happy person.

**_Hot Topic:_ **I’d steal yours but you’re sad all the time so :/

**_Jungeun:_ **Not true. You would just miss me too much.

**_Hot topic:_ **….

  
  


```

**_HaSoo:_ **Come get food with me

**_Best bird:_ **Fine

  
  


```

**_Jungeun!:_ **Why doesn’t Hyunjin just call it petting the ducks?

**_Heejin!:_ **She likes to weird you out, obviously

  
  


```

**_Vivi <3: _ **Yeojin might come to you for some advice soon

**_Jungeun <3: _ **Why is it that you just always know what’s going on with Yeojin?

**_Vivi <3: _ **If I don’t, Haseul will spend the rest of her life doing it alone

  
  


```

**_Tiny:_ ** Hey! :D

**_Yerim’s cool friend:_ ** Hey.

**_Tiny:_ **Question!

**_Yerim’s cool friend:_ **Okay…

**_Tiny:_ **So… say you have a crush on a friend. How do you go about that?

**_Tiny:_ ** Not that I do!

**_Tiny:_ ** Just curious!

**_Yerim’s cool friend:_ **Buy them parts for their truck.

**_Yerim’s cool friend:_ **Oh wait. Yerim doesn’t have a truck.

**_Tiny:_ ** WHo saiD anytTHing aboUT YErim

  
  


```

**_Bird child:_ **Hey, it’s cool that my dad and his friend are coming to watch us, right?

**_Momseul:_ **Of course! :D

**_Bird child:_ **Great! Did I mention his friend is looking to sign a band?

**_Momseul:_ **WHAT

  
  


```

**_Nicki Minaj:_ **can you tell your girlfriend to chill

**_cool unnie:_ **Can you tell your girlfriend to unblock me?

**_cool unnie:_ **I implied she had human emotions.

**_Nicki Minaj:_ **hyejoo is not my girlfriend

**_cool unnie:_ **Funny, I didn’t even mention Hyejoo.

  
  


```

Haseul is bouncing around backstage like Yeojin would when she’s eaten a bag of pop rocks. She’s never seen the girl look so panicked before in her life. She’s starting to think she never should have mentioned her father’s friend coming to see them.

He’s not really there to see them in particular, but the man is certainly hunting for new talent to add to the company, and she supposes they have an advantage since the man knows Jungeun’s face at this point. Or maybe it’s a disadvantage considering he probably has high expectations of them.

Jinsol, Hyejoo and Sooyoung pay Haseul no mind, doing last minute checks on their equipment. Jungeun assumes that Haseul hasn’t told them about the man coming to watch them tonight. She's thankful for that at least; she’s not sure if she would be able to calm down the entire band.

“Haseul.” Jungeun grabs her arm, holding her in place. She can feel the nerves vibrating off her body. “It’s okay.”

Haseul releases a shaky laugh, grabbing at Jungeun’s shoulder when she wobbles. “Is it? This could be out big break and I’m not sure that I ev-”

“This won’t be the last time someone professional comes to see us, it’s just the first.” Jungeun gives her hand on Jungeun’s shoulder a squeeze. “And you don’t have to be good the first time, remember?”

“You-” Haseul’s brow dips, mouth caught between amusement and indignation. “You can’t use my own words against me.”

Jungeun shrugs. “I just did.”

Haseul blinks, stupefied. She feels a deep sense of pride at outwitting the great and powerful Haseul, for Jungeun hasn’t seen many people do so. More than that though, she feels accomplished by the incredulous laugh Haseul gives.

“Fine.” The tiny woman grins, eyes lightening up with a new determination. “I don’t have to be good, but I _will_ be great. All of us will.”

```

  
  


There’s something magical in the air tonight as they celebrate the band’s new opportunities. Nothing is set in stone, but her father’s friend wants to speak to them about recording their music, and it’s the best news that any of them could have hoped for.

She had shared a secret smile with Haseul the moment they made it to the basement of her home, ignoring the yelling around her. She feels like she’s finally giving back to this little group, and she knows that they would tell her that she owes them nothing, but Jungeun will always try to give them the world. It’s the least she can do when they helped her learn how to save her own.

Yeojin has already shared the big news with their parents, and their parents are calling all their friends and their friend’s friends while the assembled group screams at one another. It’s the only reason they’re being allowed to cause such a raucous at this time of night. 

Sooyoung tugs her into a hug, rambling about how they’re most definitely going to go on a world tour now that they’ve been discovered. Hyejoo is crying into Chaewon’s shoulder in the corner; Jungeun has to force herself not to take pictures to use as blackmail later. Jinsol has been smacking Yerim in excitement for the past ten minutes while Heejin tries to save her. Haseul seems content just watching them all.

“This is crazy.” Sooyoung swings her around. Jungeun is going to have serious neck pain in the morning. “We’re gonna be superstars and have fans and groupies and stuff.”

Jungeun snorts, waving at the mess around them. “Our groupies are literally right here.”

Sooyoung tosses a quick glance around the room in chaos. “Oh, yeah. Wow, isn’t it weird how we all have girlfriends? Well, most of us. Hyejoo is the only one that can use our fame to actually find a girl.”

Jungeun blinks, staring the girl in question down. Hyejoo is still attached to Chae, but the smaller girl has taken to stroking a tender hand through Hyejoo’s hair. “I… don’t think Hyejoo will be very interested in any girls she meets on a tour.”

“What?” Sooyoung frowns down at her, arm finally releasing her. “Why?”

“Just a thought.” Jungeun shrugs. Surely she isn’t the only one noticing that thing between them, right? They’re kind of obvious.

Although, it’s not like she had noticed Yerim and her thing for Yeojin. Maybe they’re not being obvious, and Jungeun just got lucky in noticing.

At least they’re happy.

```

Jungeun wouldn’t say she hates her Sunday sessions, especially since she has Yerim to keep her from dozing off most of the time, but she can think of at least twenty other things that she would rather be doing than this.

She could be shopping with Jiwoo, and arguing with Sooyoung as she trails behind them, carrying Jiwoo’s bags for her the entire time. Or she could be helping Jinsol with her truck while Heejin and Hyunjin offer useless suggestions to her girlfriend, like telling her to paint fire on the sides. Or she could be helping Yerim flirt with Yeojin while Haseul and Vivi give suggestions on pick up lines. Or she could be doing literally anything in existence while Hyejoo and Chaewon find a way to make fun of her for it.

The point is, she could be doing a lot of better things, but she thinks that maybe therapy isn’t _terrible._

She’s been thinking about opening up one day, especially now that Yerim has begun actually sharing her problems with them all instead of just offering up fun stories to ignore her past. She feels like she owes it to Yerim, owes it to herself, really, to finally begin telling her own tale.

She yawns a little too loud at one point and Forehead scowls at her. Yerim giggles next to her. Jungeun sends her a little salute, a reassurance that she won’t be falling asleep anytime soon. Yerim rolls her eyes at her, but sends a salute back.

Yerim’s hands catch her attention, her nails in particular. They’re grown out a bit, a lot more than they were before Jungeun and Yerim were friends. She’s really proud of the girl.

“Jungeun.” Forehead sighs, smile already tight, like she knows that Jungeun is going to put up a fight. “Would you like to share today?”

Yerim kicks her foot, sending a pointed look in her direction. Jungeun pretends not to notice, eyes latched on the bird outside the window. A tiny pigeon sits outside, pecking at the glass. It feels terribly familiar.

“Share what?” Jungeun asks when Forehead coughs to grab her attention once again.

Forehead blinks, most likely surprised that Jungeun didn’t respond with an instant no. “Well, anything you want, I suppose.”

Jungeun hums, nodding. “Well…”

The rest of the class exchange glances. Yerim seems excited at her side. 

She thinks that it’s time. There’s a lot of things she could tell them about, but for now, she knows exactly what she wants to talk about. 

Jungeun sits up, eyes a lot brighter than most of them have probably seen. “Let me tell you about my friends. It all started the day I gave Yerim a ride home.”

Jungeun tells them a story, and the pigeon flies away.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for Jungeun's story, friends. Make sure you keep an eye out for the Yerim oneshot!

**Author's Note:**

> I MISS HASEUL DAMN IT
> 
> I love my divorced moms, Jungeun and Jinsol, and their caught-in-the-middle daughter, Yerim, so very much.


End file.
